As my loyal readers know, besides their comments here, I receive tons of private emails concerning everything you can imagine about pantyhose (but, almost always clean and classy, which I appreciate).
Naturally, I’m always interested in hearing the views of others, so I am open to receiving unexpected emails or letters to our P.O. Box.
But nothing could have prepared me for the note that was slipped under my door recently. It was like a scene from the X-Files. It’s almost midnight and I’m still working alone in my office.
With the place dimly lit, I notice an ominous shadow cast under the door jam. I’m a little anxious. Who’d be calling on me at this hour? This can’t be good. Then, a note is slid under my door and the shadow just as suddenly disappears.
But this had a strange sense of urgency about it, so I read it at once. Hand-scrawled on scrap paper, it read:
“Dear Rob (I was surprised, as only my closest friends call me Rob),
If you consider yourself a responsible journalist, you won’t pass up the opportunity to expose the discrimination and repression that has been wrought against beardom for the past zillion years or so.”
It was signed simply: The Grizzly
At first, I thought the whole thing was a prank, but the next day an invitation came via a text message (how do these people get my number?) with a time and date to meet The Grizzly at his office (I didn’t know Grizzly bears even have offices) for an exclusive interview. I have to admit, I was filled with some level of trepidation. What could The Grizzly want with me? Was this about my poaching Sarah Jessica Parker — his signature client in his “bear” legs cause? Did he want a piece of me?
So, I reread the note. Yes, he wanted a piece alright. The Grizzly was inviting me to write a piece about … what did he call it … oh, yes, the discrimination and repression of beardom. Hmmmm, my arch enemy was reaching out to me to shed light on an issue that was troubling not only him, but “all of beardom.” (I hadn’t realized there’s a beardom.)
While I probably should have thought better of the idea, the curiosity was too much for me to “bear” (yuk yuk), so I accepted the invitation, and a limousine arrived for me the next morning. Wow, The Grizzly certainly has a sense of class and style, sending a limo for me. And it was a nice ride to a more well-to-do neighborhood than I expected.
The entrance and driveway were impressive enough, and then I looked up at a very large and really tall house before The Grizzly came out to meet me. I was shocked at how big this guy really is. Must be 14 feet tall, and I couldn’t even begin to guess how much he weighs. I was certain my kung fu would be of no use against such a specimen. I had willingly walked into the bear’s domain and was on my own now.
To my relief, The Grizzly was quite formal and engaging. He invited me into his office. He called it the den. (I thought that was clever.) It was warm and cozy, kind of like a man cave, only he’s a Grizzly, so I’d have to say it was a bear cave. He took a seat in the den in a plush chair that probably should have been a lot bigger.
He got right to the point:
“Being The Grizzly is no picnic,” he said.
I stifled a giggle. “No picnic.” That was cute. Bears certainly are linked to picnics, I thought, and I couldn’t stop this image from forming in my head. But somehow he must have gotten that same image because in his version, the bear’s picnic basket was packed generously with ActSensuous pantyhose for food.
“Don’t get me wrong,” he continued. “I mean, yeah, I’m at the top of the food chain and all in my world. But people are really missing the point here. If it weren’t for my role as champion of the bare legs cause, no one would care about bears.”
“Wait a minute, you mean you represent that ugly subculture of women who hate pantyhose just for the attention,” I asked?
“Oh, it’s all PR,” he said. “I do it strictly for the image.”
“Seriously, Grizzly bears have an image problem,” I asked?
“Think about it,” he said. “What kind of images do you associate with bears?”
He was right. The first thing that came to my mind was hunting. Then, all kinds of terrible thoughts hit me, such as a mounted bear inside a cabin at a resort, and those huge bear skin rugs in front of fireplaces.
“Come to think of it, there are a lot of dreadful things humans associate with bears,” I admitted, swallowing hard.
“Yeah, well, that aint the half of it, sister,” he said. “Bears have been pushed around, disrespected and abused since time immemorial.
So, look, you showed up, proving you’re a responsible journalist after all. You want to hear my story, and will you print it in your blog?”
I agreed. And so the interview began. And, being true to my part of the agreement, here is the transcript of the interview between myself and The Grizzly:
Interview with The Grizzly
Robin: So, you’re saying bears have always had it bad?
Grizzly: Oh yeah, we get no respect. Never have. From always being depicted as the bad guys in movies, to being falsely accused of terrorizing campers … heck, just in everyday life, you humans are always dissing bears.
Robin: Really, always in everyday life? Gimme an example.
Grizzly: How much time you got? There are so many examples. Take everyday phrases you people say, using my species’ namesake. They’re all negative: There’s “Bear with me” when you’re taking too long to accomplish something. There’s “I can’t bear it” when you’re dealing with a hardship. There’s “bear down” when you’re taking on a difficult project. And then, there’s my all-time favorite: “Does a bear sh** in the woods?”
Robin: (Again, I tried not to laugh, remembering I had said after reading The Grizzly’s note in my office: “… the curiosity was too much for me to bear.”)
Robin: Well, I’m not sure you had to include that last one, but OK, I’ll give you that there are many things people say that have a negative connotation toward bears, although really, they’re not intended that way. Still, there’s at least one positive “bear” phrase you should like.
Grizzly: Yeah, what’s that?
Robin: “I come bearing gifts.”
Grizzly: I come baring legs.
Robin: Haaaaaaa, good one!
Grizzly: Sorry, couldn’t resist. You walked right in to that one.
Robin: Yeah, I tend to do that. I mean, I’m here, aint I? But, really, not all movies make you the bad guy.
Grizzly: Name one that doesn’t.
Robin: Everybody loves Baloo the Bear in the movie, The Jungle Book. “Look for the bear necessities …”
Grizzly: Please stopping singing that. I won’t be able to get that song out of my head for weeks now. Anyway, humans think that movie is cute, but at its essence, it’s embarrassing at best to bears.
Robin: Really? Sorry to hear that. OK, what about Smoky the Bear? He’s certainly a good guy. He ought to be a role model for all bears. Heck, you’ve got a poster of him on your wall there.
Grizzly: He’s … what’s the word I’m looking for … oh yeah, slow.
Grizzly: Alright, he’s not slow really. But we bears don’t care for him. He’s a little too chummy with you humans.
Robin: OK, that’s a bit disturbing to hear, especially now. I think he’s a positive and endearing figure. We humans love Smoky the Bear.
Grizzly: Remember, only YOU can prevent forest rangers!
Robin: Uh, that’s forest fires.
Grizzly: That’s not how we bears say it.
Robin: OK, now I’m really nervous. On to a different subject. Could it be that you’re too defensive about your role in pop culture?
Grizzly: Look, bears have had a bad rap since as far back as the 1800s when that libelous story first came out about three bears and some snot-nosed little brat.
Robin: Goldilocks and the Three Bears? Oh, c’mon, that’s one of the most popular fairy tales of all time.
Grizzly: Well, it didn’t start out that way. You should Google that title.
Robin: (The Grizzly uses Google?)
Grizzly: Originally, the Goldilocks character was an old hag who busted into a bear family’s cottage all uninvited you know. Today, that’s known as a home invasion. Then, she had the nerve to eat up their porridge and try to stay. Nowadays, you call that squatting. And then, when the bear family comes home, she freaks out and bolts, accidentally falling to her death. But, it was the bears who got the blame for that, and we’ve been the bad guys ever since.
Robin: Yeah, but another author came along later and changed the old hag character into a pretty little girl with golden hair who was actually treated more hospitably by the three bears. What about that?
Grizzly: Oh, sure, that innocent little girl. She broke into the bear family’s cottage, ate up their porridge, broke Baby Bear’s chair and then slept in Papa Bear’s bed. Little brat probably even peed in the bed. Yet, she’s the hero. Little kids all over the world grow up thinking it’s OK to take advantage of bears, all because Goldilocks became a star.
Robin: Well, it’s just a fairy tale. And, I’d hardly call her a star. In fact, for the most part, Goldilocks has been all but forgotten for years.
Grizzly: Not by bears. We’re reminded of her every time we see a Chevy Chase movie co-starring that blonde who just so happens to be a direct descendant of Goldilocks.
Robin: Who’s that?
Grizzly: You know … Goldie Hawn.
Robin: Ohhhhh, Goldilocks/Goldie Hawn. I get it.
Grizzly: She had it all, that Goldie Hawn. Beauty, talent, brains, and she was funny as heck. And she really was a star. And, I’m sure you love the fact that she was a devoted pantyhose wearer in her day.
Robin: Well, sure, I loved Goldie Hawn for all her talent and especially because she always wore sheer suntan or nude pantyhose in every movie of hers I ever saw.
But you ought to feel a little vindicated by the fact that Goldie’s actress daughter, Kate Hudson, doesn’t seem to share her mother’s sense of professionalism, class and good taste, to say nothing of femininity. Shame, too, because the few times she does wear sheer pantyhose, she looks amazing. But for now anyway, it certainly seems she’s more likely to be seen bear-legged.
Grizzly: When you write up the transcript of this interview, how are you going to spell what you just said there?
Robin: What, bear-legged? Uh, b a r e …
Robin: Heh heh heh. Well, speaking of that, you mentioned earlier that you champion the whole bear-legs cause just for the PR. How’s that been working out for you?
Grizzly: During the mid-to-late ‘90s and the entire decade of 2000, it rocked to be The Grizzly. I mean, bare legs was all the rage. Women everywhere were wearing fabulous dresses or skirts, designer shoes with beautiful pedicures and then completely ruining the outfits with their bare legs. That was awesome! It really looked ridiculous, but they were all brainwashed. They even dressed that way at the office. Heck, even to weddings and funerals. Suddenly, bears were getting the love we always deserved.
Robin: Wait, you just said that the bear-legs look was ridiculous. Does that mean you really don’t hate pantyhose?
Grizzly: No-no, not at all. I love pantyhose. They taste great. They’re my main source of fiber these days. C’mon, you’ve seen the pics. You’ve published them in your blog. Bears everywhere love ripping pantyhose — especially your brand — to shreds.
Listen, I’ve got a whole new image to uphold these days. I told you, I’m in this campaign for the good publicity. If women want to bare their legs in even the most professional or formal of venues, no matter how awful they look, that’s just good for business as far as I’m concerned?
Robin: I’ve never been able to figure out how so many women throughout the world lost their minds this way.
Grizzly: Oh, you called it from the beginning: It was that whole Sex and the City thing that gave women the idea they could stop wearing pantyhose, coinciding with the casualization of the office in general. This just got women all over the world to jump on that bandwagon until bare legs turned into pop culture. I told you: Humans are easily influenced by a good story and a convincing actress.
Robin: Yeah, you really did have a pretty good run there with Sarah Jessica Parker, didn’t you?
Grizzly: You really shouldn’t remind me about that while you’re in The Grizzly’s den. But, yeah, we had a good thing going for a while there. She had women everywhere fooled for a long time. I still can’t believe you stole my best client.
Robin: Well, I didn’t really steal her from you. I merely set the record straight. She was just playing a part on TV and in the movies. But it became clear that in real life, she wasn’t truly the pantyhose hater everyone thought she was. I had to give her Credit ‘wear’ Credit is Due.
Grizzly: I gotta admit: It hurt losing SJP. I thought we were close.
Robin: I did feel a little bad about that. But it was touching to see how you tried so hard to win her back. Very romantic you were.
Grizzly: Yeah, I’ll miss her. She and I were good together.
Robin: Actually, I always thought your true signature client was Stacy London. I see you’ve got that picture of the two of you on your table there.
Grizzly: Oh, what a great moment for beardom it was when she was bestowed with the inaugural Grizzly Award. https://actsensuous.wordpress.com/2011/12/06/a-grizzly-goes-to-london/
And, boy, does Stacy London deserve it. Still, SJP was a bigger star. And the damage she did, whether intentionally or not, was good enough to sustain the bare-legs cause for probably a while to come still.
Robin: You might be right about that, but surely, you’ve noticed that it’s been more and more difficult for me to find a celebrity who’s truly deserving of The Grizzly Awards.
Grizzly: I have noticed that. And don’t call me Shirley.
Robin: Good gosh, who knew The Grizzly has a sense of humor?
Grizzly: Hey, I told you: It’s all about the PR, and humor is my calling card. But to answer your question, yes, membership in the bare legs club definitely has waned recently. I mean there are still a few celebs who — since the opportunity to not wear was created in the first place — probably will never wear pantyhose again. I’ll go through my Rolodex and send you some names.
Robin: Really, you’d do that for me? Wow, what a guy. Wait a minute, you have a Rolodex?
Grizzly: Hey, you know the saying: “Keep your friends close, and your enemies over for dinner.” Or, something like that.
Robin: Uhhhhh, let’s be friends, not enemies, shall we?
Grizzly: You really shouldn’t consider me the enemy. After all, I made you.
Robin: Uhhhhhh, I’m sorry, come again?
Grizzly: C’mon, your blog would be just another pile of dull crap about pantyhose on the Internet if it weren’t for The Grizzly Awards and your whole “bear” legs thing. I have to admit, that was very clever.
Robin: Yeah, thanks, but I don’t know about that whole “you made me thing.” I kinda think I’ve made you. If you weren’t the face (or the legs, actually) of the “bear”-legs franchise, what would you being doing right now … stealing pic-i-nic baskets?
Grizzly: Oh, that was low …
Robin: Hey, it’s one more example of how you’re wrong about humans’ feelings toward bears. Everyone loves Yogi, ya know.
Grizzly: Uh, yeah, he’s a bit slow, too.
Robin: Oh boy! OK, let’s get back to the fact that it’s increasingly difficult for me to find a celebrity today who is truly deserving of The Grizzly Awards because even if one thinks of her as a bear legger, at least occasionally, she can be seen wearing pantyhose. I don’t want to be thought of as unjustly attacking a celebrity who might be loved by many in either the pantyhose or the bear-legs camps. It would be too easy for someone to counter with: “Wait a minute, look at this picture: She was wearing pantyhose for this occasion, or at that venue.” I could lose credibility if I pick on someone who does wear at least once in a while.
Grizzly: No, no, no, you gotta go with the percentages, kiddo. There are still quite a few celebs out there who wear pantyhose out and about — and I know how much you love that — but then, they go bare-legged to a formal ceremony, such as The Oscars or The Grammy Awards. And I know how much you hate that.
Robin: Exactly. I truly hate that.
Grizzly: So present them with The Grizzly Awards already.
Robin: I would, but sometimes the lines are a bit blurred. It’s tough to tell who’s who in this contest.
Grizzly: C’mon, you know who these people are. I know a part of you feels it would be the right thing to do to hand out The Grizzly Award to Sandra Oh. Am I right? You know I’m right. You really do want to give Sandra Oh the coveted Grizzly Award, don’t you? It’s OK, you can say it. Everyone knows you do. You never see that chick in pantyhose, but you’re torn because the few times she did wear in the past, you think she looked amazing, and you loved her, and now you don’t want to make her look bad.
Robin: Man, you got me pegged. How do you know these things? Who’ve you been talking with?
Grizzly: Hellooooo, I read your blog, ya know. Want me to name others just like Sandra Oh?
Robin: Oh, please do. Wait, you read my blog? What a day this is turning into. The things I’m learning here.
Grizzly: OK, buckle your seatbelt. This aint gonna be pretty. You will not like some of these, but if you’re honest, you’ll have to admit I’m right.
Robin: Go for it.
Grizzly: Let’s just stay on the whole Asian theme. Your beloved Asian actresses you think are so wonderful. Here we go: Bai Ling, Devon Aoki, Gong Li, Jamie Cheung, Joan Chen, Lucy Liu, Maggie Q, Michelle Yeoh — that’s right, I said Michelle Yeoh. That one particularly hurts, doesn’t it?
Robin: Yes, that one really kills me. And the others hurt too.
Grizzly: But wait, there’s more: Jun Ji-hyun, Marie Matiko (has she ever worn a pair of pantyhose in her entire life?), Moon Bloodgood, Olivia Munn, Uhm Jung-hwa.
Robin: Stop, stop already. I love all of them, and they’ve each been known to wear pantyhose so beautifully, at least once in a while. You’re cruel.
Grizzly: Talk to the paw, Honey, talk to the paw. I just call ‘em as I see ‘em.
Robin: Well, you are right about Marie Matiko. I have never ever seen a single picture of her wearing pantyhose. And that is so strange, as she is Japanese and wearing sheer pantyhose is practically the law in Japan. I guess Marie Matiko is too Americanized to care.
But including Jun Ji-hyun (aka Jun Ji-hyeon, aka Gianna Jun) on your list is baffling to me. Ji-Hyun wears pantyhose 10 times more frequently than all of those actresses you mentioned combined. With me, she’ll always get credit for her starring role in the movie Blood: The Last Vampire (above), as she wore sheer nude pantyhose with her Japanese schoolgirl outfit. (Note: Jun Ji-hyun, featured in this blog a few years ago, actually is Korean.)
But, here’s the thing: She often appears wearing sheer pantyhose while attending press conferences (right) and movie premiers, and when performing in television commercials.
And if that weren’t enough, she’s also a professional model who almost always wears sheer pantyhose to cover some of the biggest international fashion magazines (below).
Yes, I love Jun Ji-hyun.
Grizzly: Yeah, yeah … OK, fine. I’ll give you that one. I can understand why you’re so high on her.
She does seem to do everything right in your world.
Robin: Yes, she really is a class act in every way. She is a very popular actress, beloved for her romantic comedies, which is why it was a such a surprise that she starred in Blood: The Last Vampire, and did an excellent job transitioning into a physical/martial arts genre.
And she certainly sets a great example for younger Asian celebs, who might otherwise attempt to emulate the way Hollywood celebrities dress.
Robin: OK, so can we stop now?
Robin: Thank you.
Grizzly: Kelly Hu.
Grizzly: Kelly H … Oh, OK, I see. You got me with that one. Niiiiiiiiice.
Robin: Sorry, couldn’t resist. Yeah, Kelly Hu — a gorgeous woman with great legs. Such a waste that she seems to never have heard of the word, pantyhose. Sure, there’s the extremely rare time when she wears black tights or fishnets with high boots, but that doesn’t count in my book. Why hide those legs in pantyhose under boots?
Grizzly: See what I mean? You’ve got a lot of choices to hand out a Grizzly Award. Want me to name the non-Asian celebs now?
Grizzly: Amy Adams, Angelina Jolie, Eva Longoria, Gabrielle Anwar, Jennifer Aniston, Julianna Margulies, Leah Remini, Mila Kunis, Morena Baccarin, Rachel McAdams, Renee Zellweger, Robin Tuney, Sandra Bullock, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sarah Shahi, Teri Hatcher, Yancy Butler …
Robin: But …
Robin: OK, fine. Darn, those are some good names on your list. What happened to them? Of course, pantyhose lovers are happy that Julianna Margulies wears sheer nude pantyhose on The Good Wife, but she never wears during a late night talk show, and I’m guessing never to an awards show, or even when she’s out and about. That means she wears on The Good Wife only because she has to. If it were up to her, I’m sure she wouldn’t wear on that show.
Grizzly: Now you’re getting it. You’ve just been looking at it all wrong.
Robin: Oh my goodness, I’m so confused now.
Grizzly: Listen, just because you’ve seen each one of them wear pantyhose in the past, or even recently on a TV show, or in a movie, you have to look at their complete body of work. Most of them, left to their own devices, are going to go bare-legged. There really are a few of them who most definitely deserve to receive The Grizzly Award. In fact, I’ve got one I am sure you’ve never thought of, whom I would venture to say has never worn pantyhose a day in her whole life.
Robin: Really? Oh, do tell, do tell.
Grizzly: I don’t want to spoil it for your readers by mentioning her here now. Tell you what … I’ll text you later, and you’ll agree with me. Then, she can be your next recipient of The Grizzly Awards.
Robin: Oh, c’mon, just give me a hint? (Wait a minute … The Grizzly can text?)
Grizzly: OK, sure. Actually, it might be fun for your readers. They know these things. In fact, they’ve probably already thought of this one. She’s an actress in her mid-30s and her initials are JB. I guarantee you won’t be able to find a single picture of her in sheer pantyhose.
Robin: Really? Can’t wait to learn who this one is.
Grizzly: Yeah, and here’s another candidate for you. Her initials are BB.
Robin: Game show host?
Robin: Yeah, I hate her. She’s gorgeous, but totally unprofessional. She never wears. She definitely deserves to receive The Grizzly Award. Actually, I wish Grizzlies would just eat her. No one I know would mind if a Grizzly just devoured her.
Readers, know the celebs (JB and BB) The Grizzly and Robin are talking about? Tell us who they are via email (firstname.lastname@example.org), and if you’re right, win one or two free pairs of ActSensuous pantyhose.
Receive one free pair for correctly naming one celebrity; get two free pairs for correctly naming both.
Only one email entry per reader please.
Grizzly: Now you’re coming around. You’ve been too nice, especially, when it comes to the borderline types. I say even though they used to be consistent pantyhose-wearers, if they have been seen more often bare-legged, they’re fair game for you.
Robin: Geez, you’re right, Grizz. I really don’t understand some of these people.
Grizzly: Hey, listen, they don’t call it Hollyweird for nothing. (Grizz? Only my closest friends call me Grizz.)
Rob: OK, now on the other hand … check that … on the other paw (snicker), who would you say are some of the more famous celebrities who never bought in to the bear-legs culture from the get-go, or at least the ones who most consistently wear pantyhose for all the right reasons.
Grizz: Oh, you gotta go with Anne Hathaway, Christine Baransky, Christie Brinkley, Jessica Alba, Kim Basinger, Katie Holmes, Megan Fox, Meredith Vieira, Milla Jovovich, Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayek, Sofia Vergara, Zooey Deschanel, and of course, that gal named Kate who’s now in England.
Rob: Oh, yes, Kate Middleton should get a Nobel Peace Prize for practically bringing pantyhose back from the grave. That’s very good. You really know your celebs.
Grizz: Rosario Dawson.
Rob: I’m sorry …
Grizz: Rosario Dawson.
Rob: Oh my goodness, you are soooooo right again. She is extremely classy all the time. I don’t think she ever bought in to that whole bear-legs deal. That lovely woman always wears the most sheer, sexy pantyhose and looks absolutely stunning in them.
Note: Well, that’s what I thought anyway. In doing a search on the Internet for a current picture to use here, I didn’t see one new picture of Rosario wearing pantyhose since the many I had filed away during the past few years. That makes me wonder whether she ultimately gave in to the pressure from other bear-legged celebrities. That would be such a shame.
Grizz: Now, listen: I’ve given up some good leads for those who deserve consideration for your Credit “wear” Credit is Due feature. That, and because you stole my signature client away from me, it’s time for a little quid pro quo here. I want the name of the celebrity you feel is the most devoted bare-legger, the one you hate the most, to replace SJP as my signature client. C’mon, give it up. Who’s my next recipient of the prestigious Grizzly Awards?
Rob: OK, sure, that’s fair. Here’s a hint for you: Her first name is the same as the main character on that show that is generally credited with starting the bear-legs movement.
Grizz: OK, Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City. Carrie … Carrie … Ohhhhhhhh, Carrie Underwood. Yeah, good one. I’ll take her. That’s a great trade.
Rob: Yeah, I really hate that bimbo. How unprofessional of her to perform the Sunday Night Football theme song in bear legs and cowboy boots in back-to-back seasons. And, in every appearance she makes on other shows I’ve seen, she does the whole bear legs thing. That one has zero class. You can have her and keep her. And please eat her, too. I don’t ever want to have to look at those pasty white bony legs of hers again.
Grizz: OK, done. By the way, I will say this: You’ve definitely nailed the one young celeb who really deserves all the praise you’ve heaped upon her and the huge amount of love for how devoted to pantyhose she is.
Rob: Oh, I know who you’re talking about — Ariana
Grizz: Grande. Yes, l can foresee her causing me all kinds of trouble in my efforts to recruit future bare-leggers. She is a gem in your camp. How can a girl that young have so much professionalism, class, grace and femininity during a time when your young people prefer to dress like homeless people? Does she have stock in your company? Be honest, you’ve bought her, right?
Rob: Haaaaa, I would have, but no, she’s done this completely on her own. I’m as amazed as you are. She certainly appears to be the real deal, and I hope she stays that way because right now, she’s one in a million. I know pantyhose lovers everywhere appreciate Ariana for her devotion to wearing sheer pantyhose, not only on stage, but at publicity functions, most often at awards shows, and even just out and about. She is setting such a good example for her young fans, and like Kate Middleton, Ariana, might some day be credited with helping pantyhose make a comeback. Yes, she is almost too good to be true.
Grizz: Exactly, too good to be true. So enjoy her while you can.
Rob: Wait. What do you mean by that?
Grizz: Oh you know as well as I do that good things like her don’t last forever. You’ll see. Whatever it is that causes her to dress so nicely and wear sheer pantyhose is likely to change some day, and then I will be there to scoop her up. She’ll be my new prized client.
Rob: Now that would be a real shame. I hope you’re wrong. OK, now here’s one more thing I’ve been dying to ask you about. Hope you’re ready because this one hits close to home.
Grizz: Fire away …
Rob: What’s with so many celebs, professional models and even everyday ladies from all over the world wearing pantyhose while hobnobbing with bears? I would have thought you’d forbid “beardom” (love that word) from partaking in such debauchery. Yet, it’s out there. Some very beautiful ladies wearing pantyhose while snuggling with bears.
Grizz: Oh, sure, throw that in my face.
Rob: Warned ya.
Grizz: I’ll have to see it to believe it.
Rob: You will when you see my finished piece. I think you’ll find it disturbing, this trend of beautiful models and other celebs getting all lovey dovey with bears.
Grizz: I’ll tell you right now, those must be rogue bears who are not part of the union. I can’t be held accountable for their actions.
Rob: Well, I like the pics because they bring closer those who should be enemies. Kind of like you and me, Grizz.
Grizz: Don’t push it, Rob. I haven’t eaten yet and I’m as hungry as a bear.
And with that, the interview ended and Grizz walked me out, stopping in the family room this time where he proudly showed off his family portrait.
And don’t think I didn’t notice all the other bear memorabilia in the room where Grizz’s cubs play, including the Goldilocks and the Three Bears dolls, the books, and all the Chicago Bears fan stuff.
In any case, what I had feared would be an uncomfortable meeting turned out to be anything but. The Grizzly was professional and classy. He was even cute and charming. I left feeling like I’d made a new friend. But I ain’t going out to eat with him. That’s for sure.
As I was getting in the limo to return to my office, I thought of my best question, so I blurted out:
“Hey, Grizz. If bears have had it so bad for so long, how are you able to live in a great house like this and have a limo driver at your disposal?”
“When it’s important to maintain a big image these days, one must diversify,” he said. “That’s why I invented these a long time ago.”
Gummy Bears! Wouldn’t you just know it? And I had been feeling sorry for Grizz. Looks like he’s in the game for the long haul, just like me. And that’s a good thing. We are good for one another.
My thanks to J. Aton of ATON DIGITAL STUDIOS for his original artwork for ActSensuous. Check out J. Aton’s artist website and online portfolio at www.atondigitalstudios.com
Pantyhose babes hobnobbing with bears