At the start of each new NFL season, I hold out hope that this will be the year when country singer Carrie Underwood shows just a little professionalism and class, and wears sheer nude pantyhose when performing the Sunday Night Football opening theme song.
I know what you’re thinking: “Silly girl, Robin.” I know, I know.
No matter how bright and shiny her outfit, or lavish the set, ever since the 2013 SNF season when Carrie Underwouldn’t took the handoff from Faith Hill, she’s fumbled the ball, rushing for negative yardage on stage with those pasty-white “bear” legs of hers. And every year, I call her on it.
In this era when the NFL increasing is losing audience and rating shares among the coveted demographics (ages 18-49), it’s clear there’s a real disconnect with fans. And the numbers, as reported by the likes of Forbes.com, USA Today and NYPost.com, should be alarming to the NFL in general, and SNF in particular.
Around this time last year, Forbes.com contributor Brandon Katz, wrote:
“NBC’s Sunday Night Football was down yet again in viewership, drawing in 16.8 million and scoring a 6.19/19 rating in the advertiser friendly 18-49 demo. The numbers mark a season low for SNF, and the show’s 11.0 overnight rating is the lowest since 2007 (ouch).”
Why is the NFL seemingly becoming less popular each year? Can anyone say ex-San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick’s National Anthem protest (moron)? How about the whole gangsta image many of its players and marketers want to emulate? Could it be the fact that so many ex-players are dying in their 50s?
How about the incredible greed of the owners? Want to go to a game with friends or family? You might have to take out a small loan, or (maybe even more expensive) sign up for DirecTV’s NFL Sunday Ticket.
What does the NFL say is the reason viewers aren’t turning out in the numbers expected? It’s because fans increasingly are turning to digital streaming instead of watching on TV. Oh, and in the case of last weekend’s opening of the 2017-18 NFL season, it was because of Hurricane Irma. (That’s actually the case, as I lost power here and wasn’t able to tune in, which also explains why this post is being published now after the second SNF game.)
Not since actor Peter Finch (playing a news anchor in the 1976 Academy Award winning movie, Network) advised viewers of his station’s evening news program to stick their heads out of windows and yell: “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore,” has there been such outrage over sports TV programming.
But, c’mon now … we all know the real reason why the NFL in general and SNF in particular are seeing their rating numbers plummet, don’t we?
Here’s the deal, SNF: No one wants to see Carrie Underdressed prancing around with those unsightly bear legs like she’s all that (she ain’t) during your opening theme production. If that’s all she’s got, I’d rather watch Bozo the Clown perform the theme song.
What’s with this relationship between SNF and Carrie Undercovered? Can’t they cut her? Is she really the best they can find? She isn’t professional, and she has no class. Well, maybe she’s paying them!
As I’ve written before, every other notable pop singer performing today on stages of all sizes and venues, wears sheer nude or suntan pantyhose for the occasion. I’ve mentioned these ladies many times in the past here, and given you reasons why they could and should replace Carrie Underhanded.
This time (just to make sure I’m on point here) I launched on sites such as billboard.com, YouTube and thetoptens.com a search of today’s top female singers/performers, and they all listed the usual suspects, although each site and others like them had the same artists ranked in different orders.
And, yes, the artists are all the ones I’ve recommended here a million times. This time, let’s consider just three performers the producers of SNF could sign as free agents. (They could tell Carrie Underachiever “We just want to go in a different direction.”)
Each of these ladies is known to the NFL now, as each has performed the Halftime Shows of the past few Super Bowls, making it all the more obvious a choice for the dopes producing the SNF theme.
A veteran singer, songwriter, dancer and actress, Beyoncé already has performed the Halftime Show in two Super Bowls (2013 and 2016), make her an excellent candidate to do the SNF opening theme production.
This highly accomplished artist who rose to fame in the late 1990s is relevant and has an NFL kind of image. She’s sold 100 million records as a solo artist, and has won 22 Grammy Awards, so there’s no question about her talent and showmanship.
She gets my vote anyway because she is highly professional in always wearing nude or suntan pantyhose, not only on stage, but also when appearing as a guest on TV shows, and often, when she’s just out and about.
She made everyone hear her roar during a spectacular, and most-memorable 2015 Super Bowl halftime show, wearing a variety of elegant to cute costumes, complemented, of course, with nude or suntan pantyhose.
In fact, according to wikipedia.org, two days after the halftime show, Guinness World Records announced that Perry’s performance garnered 118.5 million viewers in the United States, and became the most watched and highest rated show in Super Bowl history. The viewership was higher than the game itself, which was viewed by an audience of 114.4 million.
The winner of five American Music Awards and 14 People’s Choice Awards who kissed a girl and liked it, Perry always delivers powerful and exciting performances. She’s got an amazing voice delivers an unforgettable performance, and always sparkles like a firework. Of all musical artists, Perry has been one of the best-dressed on stage and everywhere else. She appears to be dedicated to wearing dresses, always with nude or suntan pantyhose. She clearly would be an upgrade for the SNF opening theme.
Six-time Grammy Award winner, Lady Gaga, performed the 2017 Super Bowl halftime show, attracting 117.5 million viewers and exceeding the game’s total of 113.3 viewers. And for her efforts, Gaga received an Emmy nomination.
Sporting a musical style thought to be most comparable to Gwen Stefani and Madonna, and influenced by David Bowie and Michael Jackson, it is estimated that Gaga has sold around 27 million albums and 146 million singles worldwide. And with a fashion sense that seems to be the inspiration of everything from bubble wrap to raw meat, S&M-style leather and stilettos, there’s no denying Lady Gaga is the ultimate stage entertainer.
But more than anything, I will always be grateful to Lady Gaga because at the dawning (and during the entire hey-day) of the “bear”-legs movement, she stood as one of the few bright lights in the music entertainment industry, always wearing (sometimes nothing but) nude or suntan pantyhose with everything from the most outlandish outfit to an elegant dress. Yes, there was a time when the only professional entertainer you’d see in pantyhose was Lady Gaga and she likely deserves some of the credit for turning around a younger generation of pantyhose wearers today.
With respect: Ariana Grande (the most prolific and consistent wearer of sheer nude or suntan pantyhose in almost every single performance, as well as when she’s out and about); Selena Gomez (just slightly behind Ariana in wearing sheer nude or suntan pantyhose when performing and often, sheer black pantyhose, when she’s out and about, left); and Taylor Swift (often wears on stage and sometimes when out and about), to me, these ladies, while super talented in their own right, just wouldn’t seem credible performing in an NFL spotlight.
Other artists who could be tapped to perform the Sunday Night Football opening theme song would have to include Jennifer Lopez, Christina Aguilera, Rihanna, Adele, Pink, Shakira, Kelly Clarkson, Celine Dion, and Jessie J.
And while I really don’t like her, as she appears to have zero class, even Miley Cyrus is likely to wear sheer nude pantyhose if she were signed to perform the SNF opening theme.
Take a poll, NFL. I’ll bet viewers in staggering numbers would rather see Beyoncé, Katy Perry or Lady Gaga perform the SNF introduction theme song over Carrie Underperformer.
OK, perhaps the bozos over at SNF got a good deal on Carrie Underdone, and they just don’t want to pay the bill for the better professional entertainers available out there. Here’s an idea then: Have just about any professional singer record a new song, but for the stage show, choose members of the cheerleader squads of the two teams who are competing each Sunday night. They could even interact with some of the different players for that night’s matchup.
Brilliant, right? I mean all the NFL Cheerleader squads are professional, classy and smart enough to wear nude or suntan pantyhose with their outfits.
What a way that would be to kick off Sunday Night Football. Fred (SNF executive producer Fred Gaudelli), call me. We can work out the fee for my killer idea.
Part II ~ The supervillain
Listen, I’m not saying I hate Carrie Underwood. Wait a minute … Yes, I am! (Say like Eric Cartman of South Park.)
Hate her song, hate her outfits, hate her.
OK, maybe she’s a nice enough lady in real life, but here’s the deal: I hate it when a female celebrity misses an opportunity to do what’s right, what’s professional and, ultimately, what’s glamorous and feminine.
Disclaimer: Now, if Carrie doesn’t wear pantyhose on SNF because Fred and his team don’t want her to wear, then that’s another story. But I kinda doubt that. I think it’s Carrie’s responsibility to be the professional and make the decision herself about something as personal as whether to wear pantyhose. No, I’m pretty sure Carrie is the bad guy here.
I mean in an Internet search it’s difficult to find a single picture of her wearing.
She even wore a fabulous red gown and high heel dress sandals with those awful bear legs to attend the Grammy Awards earlier this year. Now, that’s one place where professionalism, class and elegance would be called for, but, as usual, she wanted no part of that.
Carrie, Fred, news flash for you here: Pantyhose are back. In a big way. And they’re only going to get bigger and bigger. Look around. Pantyhose are on TV, on TV commercials, in the movies, on Broadway, on the runway (saying again for dramatic sinking-in effect) on the RUNWAY, in fashion magazines, and most of all, pantyhose are on almost all female celebrities today (those with brains, professionalism and femininity anyway).
Heck, pantyhose were on Good Morning America who announced in February 2015, “Pantyhose are back.”
Yeah, I hate Carrie because she has the chance to be among the shining examples of celebs who are once again embracing pantyhose, but instead, she chooses to be a reminder of the ugliness that was the bear legs culture of practically the entire decade of 2000.
But what can I say? For everything that’s good in the world, there’s a thing that’s bad. Every superhero has an arch enemy. Let’s see: Superman has Lex Luther, Batman has the Joker, and Spiderman has the Green Goblin.
Same goes for female superheroes. Wonder Woman, the one character who most stood for everything good, including the virtues of beauty, grace, femininity and what’s right in the world, has an opposite. A supervillain.
Who is the evil arch enemy of Wonder Woman? Introducing … Under Woman.
Yes, it’s Under Woman who (disguised as Carrie Underwood, a mild-mannered country singer) fights a never-ending battle for taking the road less classy, for always choosing to look masculine because it’s easier than making the slightest effort to be more feminine, and for choosing to go bare-legged for all occasions and at all venues.
Part III ~ Carrie earns highest award of her career
As I stated in the first paragraph of this post, season after season since 2013, I had always held out hope that Carrie Understated would finally do the right thing and wear sheer nude pantyhose with her outfits during the SNF opening theme production. But year after year, she has disappointed me.
It is clear to me now that she just isn’t ever going to get it. She has dedicated herself to looking like any number of plain females today who want to talk like, act like and, worse, look more like men.
I’ve had enough of Carrie Undertaker, so recently, I put a call in to an old friend of mine. His name is Oliver B. Griswold, III. You might remember him from a few posts ago about Sarah Jessica Parker. His closest friends call him Griz.
Here’s how the conversation went:
Rob: Hey, Griz. It’s your old buddy, Robin.
Rob: Uhhhhh, you know I run ActSens …
Griz: Yeah, yeah. I’m just messin’ with you. I know who you are. You got some nerve calling, after you stole Sarah Jessica Parker from me.
Rob: (Jeez, I thought we’d moved past that.) I know, I know. But remember I promised I’d make it up to you.
Griz: I’m listening … And don’t call me Griz. We ain’t friends.
Rob: (uh oh) So, I’m just wondering? You still a Chicago Bears fan? What am I thinking? Of course you are …
Griz: Get to the point, girl, I got some porridge on the stove. Heh-heh. What’s the matter? I make you nervous or something?
Rob: (well, yeah, actually) No, no, not at all. Hey, you’ve seen Sunday Night Football, right? You know that (bimbo) uh, country singer, Carrie (Undertalented) Underwood? Annoying little tramp who flaunts her ugly bear legs …
Griz: Wait, when you said that word just now, how are you spelling it?
Rob: You know … b a r e
Griz: Yeah, right. OK, go on. What are you saying here, you are giving me Carrie Underwood?
Rob: Yes, I am officially recommending you make Carrie (Undernourished) Underwood your new client. I mean, she would be …
Rob: Precisely. That’s what I was about to say.
Griz: I love it. OK, Rob, I’m taking Carrie Underwood on, and I’m taking you off … the menu.
Rob: (gulp) Uh, menu?
Griz: Come on, get a sense of humor, girl. Seriously, this Carrie Underwood is perfect for me. I’m thrilled. Set this up, will ya?
Rob: Absolutely. So, just to be clear here, my giving you Carrie (Undercooked) Underwood makes us even now, right? We can be friends, now, right?
Griz: Don’t push it, Sweetheart. Yeah, yeah, OK, OK, stop whining. Carrie Underwood is as deserving as Stacy London was way back when. She’ll make a great new signature client for me.
Rob: Excellent. And, again, to be clear, we’re friends now, ri …
OK, then. Well, close enough. So, everything is right in the world again. Now, I can stop hoping and waiting for Carrie Underblunder to come around. She has officially received the 2017 Grizzly Award. Now, she can openly and proudly proclaim to the world she is the new Stacy London. She’s officially the face (or legs) of the bear legs franchise.
I’m sure she and the Grizzly will be very happy together. They look happy, don’t they? Well, Griz does anyway.
My thanks to Jay Aton, a longtime reader here, for his excellent artwork on a moments notice. You can see more of Jay’s work by visiting his website at http://atondigitalart.blogspot.com/
Did you know that January 4 is “National Triva Day?”
I just learned that while doing research to write this post. Turns out there are about 20 other little celebrations associated with January, including “National write the wrong year on your check month,” “Bath Safety Month” (seriously?) and “Stalking awareness month.” (OK, there’s one for you.)
I found this a few days ago when I went Googling for validation of something I saw on a TV commercial. It’s an ad by ShoeDazzle (link below), referencing the celebration of “National Bootie Month.” https://www.ispot.tv/ad/ACvp I thought, “What? Is that really a thing?”
OK, apparently, mostly, it is, only it’s really called “National Bootie Day,” and it’s actually on September 10, according to JustFab.com and other references I’ve now seen.
So, ShoeDazzle jumped the gun a bit (just nine months) to promote its products, but the timing of that commercial was spot-on for me, as it got me wondering all about booties worn with pantyhose, and this ad prompted me to look into the whole idea and write about it here.
Those of you who’ve gotten to know me throughout the years probably realize I don’t like the wearing of boots with dresses or skirts, but what about booties? Hmmmm, let me think … NO.
Why do I dislike boots or booties with a dress or skirt? Because it hides too much leg and foot. My preference has always been any kind of high heels (but not so much the platform kind), or pumps or dress sandals. And the less the shoe, and the more the foot, the better.
On the other hand (OK, the foot), open- or peep-toe booties worn with sheer pantyhose apparently is a thing these days.
And you know what? I’m good with that.
I mean, you ain’t never gonna find me sporting the look, as actress Diane Kruger (right) does, but I officially state here that I am all for it on anyone else. Why? If women will wear pantyhose with open- or peep-toe booties, it’s another win for all of us.
Further, it’s just one more thing that ought to drive the “fashion experts” crazy.
We all know how much the fashion police out there despise, not only pantyhose, but even more so, pantyhose worn with open-toe high heels, even while no one ever follows their stupid advise.
Nevertheless (and this is huge), it now appears we’ve all finally worn down some of those fashion freak naysayers. Case in point, check out this Vogue.com story that ran a few months ago:
If, with the new year upon us, you’re looking for signs of hope and optimism about the return to mainstream status of sheer pantyhose, this Vogue.com story is a giant leap forward.
Too bad, though, that the only photo (I could find anyway) related to this new concession about sheer pantyhose being worn with open-toe shoes on the runway, is this one (left) with the model wearing some ridiculous-looking pantyhose.
Still, there’s no denying this is a huge step forward for pantyhose lovers.
I mean first, the fashion police told us pantyhose for any situation and venue were an absolute no-no. Yes, they won quite a number of blind followers, yet, pantyhose didn’t die, did they?
And, you’ll remember, ActSensuous (which started in 2001, at the very height of the “bear” legs movement), was always here telling you not to worry; to keep the faith, as there remained a sizable pocket of resistance by classy ladies, female business execs, celebrities and thousands upon thousands of “real girls” who never gave up on pantyhose.
When the fashion watchdogs realized, but couldn’t admit, that pantyhose were still a force, they shined their negative spotlight a little lower, barking out that, of all the horrible things about pantyhose, the absolute worst was wearing them with dress sandals.
They actually plastered this pic (left) all across the Internet, trying to show how bad that idea is, as if anybody believed anyone actually wore ugly hosiery like that with sandals.
To that, I present this image (below).
The wearer (right) is Abbey Clancy, a lingerie, catwalk model and television personality in England.
Anyone who would try to discourage this look is, well, most likely jealous, as Abbey’s feet are beautiful in those sheer pantyhose. Often, I smiled when seeing absolutely everywhere that NOBODY was buying that rubbish the so-called fashion experts wanted women to believe: That it was taboo to wear sheer pantyhose with open-toe shoes.
And, thankfully, from the most successful and highest profile women to the everyday real girls out and about across the whole wide world, everyone who wears pantyhose always has been wearing them with open-toe shoes.
During the past few years, the latest manifestation of that trend has been wearing pantyhose or tights with open- or peep-toe booties. To me, that’s sorta like giving a big “Take that” to all those fashion know-it-alls.
Still, I didn’t really care, and just forgot about the whole thing until I remembered seeing this picture (above) of young TV personality, Kylie Jenner, wearing open-toe booties (quite beautifully) with sheer black pantyhose during a Nickelodeon awards show a few years ago.
I thought she looked amazing, but I still figured this was a very unique thing, and as usual for me, I somehow missed the point and largely forgot about Kylie’s look back back then. Until, that is, I saw the ShoeDazzle commercial earlier this month.
So I launched an Internet search to see whether anyone else really was sporting this look?
To my surprise after three days of research, I was able to file only a handful of pics, such as this one of actress, Jessica Alba (right), to share with you.
Now, that doesn’t mean that’s all I found. No-no-no. I actually saved 93 pics that have something to do with the subject of this post.
And, lest ye think that what I do for you here is all just fun and games for me, let me share the dilemma I came to have. When laying out the copy and then trying to illustrate it with the perfect artwork (meaning choosing just the right image to illustrate a specific point I make), it’s way too cumbersome to sift through the 93 choices in one folder. So, being the super-organized type, I sorted all 93 images into different subfolders — nine to be exact.
I can hear what you’re thinking now: “That Robin, she’s a clever gal.” Yeah, but nine subfolders to do with wearing pantyhose or tights with open- or peep-toe booties, you ask? You bet.
You see, the problem I encountered was this whole booties thing ain’t all that black and white here. To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, let’s go through all nine subfolders of images. C’mon, it’ll be fun …
1. Open- or peep-toe booties with pantyhose
The very point of this post, right? Well, the most significant photo I found was the one that started it all for me: Kylie Jenner’s look (right) during that Nickelodeon awards show.
In my opinion, she is the signature example of wearing sheer pantyhose with open-toe booties, although, I don’t get black pantyhose with white footwear.
Still, I have to give her credit for this look. With those toes in those hose, she could pull off anything.
2. Open- or peep-toe booties without pantyhose
I know what you’re thinking: Why would you show a picture of that, Robin?
Well, one cannot know what cold feels like, if one has lived one’s whole life in 90-degree weather. (Prophetic, huh?)
And since open- or peep-toe booties exist, naturally, they are (most often, I found) going to be worn with bear legs.
So here ya go. See how they look? Now, aren’t you glad you saw Kylie Jenner’s way of wearing them?
3. Booties with pantyhose
You get that? Just plain old booties (not open- or peep-toe). In my search, I found many more pics of regular booties, but at least, I found a bunch of pictures of women wearing them with pantyhose. So you have to see one of them.
Probably, the most compelling pic I found of someone wearing just plain old booties (but with pantyhose) is this one of actress Morena Baccarin. There are precious few photos of Baccarin wearing pantyhose, so to find one of her wearing pantyhose with booties seemed too significant not to show you.
Why do we care, though? Well, it’s “National Bootie Month.” OK, actually, it isn’t (as we covered in the beginning), but since that goof-up was what spawned this blog post, look at this picture and be thankful. Good job.
4. Booties without pantyhose
OK, just kidding. I’m not going to show you that. I mean, I found a lot more of those pictures than anything else, and I did put a few of them in a folder with this name, but we’ve got more important things to cover here. So, we’ll move on. (You’re welcome.)
5. Just booties
Seriously. With pantyhose or without, I found so many things that might, or might not, be booties, I had to create and fill a subfolder with that name.
So, to be clear, the image you see here (right) is an authentic bootie.
6. Not actually booties
You see where I’m going with this? Some footwear pics I found (below, left) kinda, sorta looked like booties and even had pantyhosed feet in them. I have no idea what the heck these things are called, maybe just boots (low ones), but they aren’t in the spirit of the booties we’re talking about here. Maybe they are just some kind of funky, chunky shoes.
In any case, since I collected and stored those pics (then, realized after all the experience I’d gained) that they actually aren’t booties, you have to see a pic of one of them.
Pretty nice pic, too. At least, the girl is wearing these regular old boots with pantyhose.
7. Not sure
That’s right. There are some pics of women in pantyhose wearing something that might, or might not, be a bootie. The only thing I know for sure now is that I have no real idea what the heck a bootie is. Hey, sue me, OK?
So here’s a picture (left) of Australian mega performer, Kylie Minogue. See if you can tell whether those things on her feet are booties, or something else, smarty pants. Hey, at least, she’s wearing pantyhose with them.
8. Not this
One thing I had no trouble with was being pretty clear that this image (right) is not what this blog post is about. But I really I liked the picture.
So here it is.
9. Absolutely stupid, doesn’t count
Seriously, I made a subfolder with this title.
That’s because these pics I found, but didn’t want to find (or even see) are the dumbest thing I have ever seen in our beloved pantyhose industry.
And because I had to see it, you have to see it.
I would like to find the moron who came up with this idea, and karatefy him or her.
In fact, I’d also like to kick the frick out of the bigger moron who actually bought this idea.
Here’s how I imagine the first meeting about this product design went:
Pitchman: Hey, I’ve got a great idea here. How about we make pantyhose that go from the waist all the way down to the feet, but stop at the toes?
Boss: Wait a minute, did you really just say what I think you said? What the heck is wrong with you?
Pitchman: Now, hear me out, hear me out. We’ll call them toeless pantyhose, and that alone probably would get some women out there to buy them.
Boss: Why on Earth would anyone buy such a thing?
Pitchman: Well, for years, all those fashion experts have been telling and making some truly dumbass women out there believe that they should never wear pantyhose with open-toe shoes.
So, with this new product, they can now wear pantyhose so that their legs look great, but … and here’s the best part … their toes will be bare, so they can wear their open-toe shoes the way the fashion experts tell them to. Huh? Huh? Brilliant, right?
Boss: OK, let me get this straight. The women who …
Pitchman, interrupting the boss: … dumbass women …
Boss: Right, right. The dumbass women who wear these things would have on real pantyhose that make their legs look, well, fabulous, all the way down the foot, but stop at the toes?
Pitchman: Yes, yes …
Boss: OK, so to be clear, these …..
Pitchman, chiming in: dumbass …
Boss: Right, dumbass women, they go about their daily routines wearing, say, black pantyhose down through the shoe, and then their bare, white, pasty toes peek out to the world, and ….. I’m sorry, tell me again … why would any woman in her right mind do such an incredibly stupid thing?
Pitchman: That’s just it. They do incredibly stupid things. We don’t even have to tell them it’s what the fashion experts agree with … I mean, if we make this product, they’ll think it’s the thing, and they’ll buy ‘em and wear them.
Boss: Yeah, OK, I’m sold. Let’s do it.
Are these people kidding? I guess not, because even Hanes bought in to this concept (right), and their ad campaign actually reads: “Hanes Silk Reflections Ultra Sheer pantyhose toeless design lets you wear sandals and open-toe shoes and show off your pedicure.”
OK, now I’ve definitely seen everything in this business. I will have a difficult time trying to get these images out of my head now.
Readers, seriously now, is this the dumbest thing you’ve ever seen related to pantyhose?
In any case, it’s a new year. And with it, comes renewed optimism that pantyhose will continue to make leaps and bounds toward returning to mainstream acceptance.
Already, we’ve seen some great signs, such as Vogue.com actually promoting the wearing of sheer pantyhose with open-toe shoes on fashion runways. Don’t discount the significance of that.
And, with the growing fad of wearing sheer pantyhose or tights with open- or peep-toe booties making inroads, there’s definitely reason for increased confidence that we are taking the right steps forward toward bringing pantyhose all the way back.
It should be a fun ride.
Wishing you all “sheer” happiness, health and prosperity in 2017.
Are you feeling something in the air these days? That crisp autumn breeze? You know what that means, right?
It’s time for some footballlllll.
With new head coaches, new coordinators, new venues, so many new rookies, free agents and traded players looking to make impacts for their teams, this should be another exciting season.
And the Rams are back where they belong in Los Angeles. So all is right and good in the NFL again.
Oh, and one more thing is new …
SNF opening theme song
Yes, the Sunday Night Football opening theme song is new this year (thank God, as I was getting sick of “Waitin’ all day for Sunday Night”), but naturally, one thing hasn’t changed.
For the third consecutive season now, Carrie Underwoodenhead will be prancing around on stage, this time in a couple of dresses that look like they belong in a sci-fi movie, flashing those bony, pasty white “bear” legs of hers.
And for the third season in a row, I am calling her on it here.
Ahead of Underwearer’s debut three seasons ago as the new performer of the SNF intro theme song, an advertisement touted that NBC’s Sunday Night Football would feature Carrie Underwood’s legs “to drive men nuts.”
Hey, men, are you nuts over her legs yet?
How are Carrie Underwood and an out-of-work school teacher alike?
What does Carrie Underwood have in common with Ariana Grande, Beyonce’, Jennifer Lopez, Katy Perry, Rhianna and Selena Gomez?
Nothing. Those others have the professionalism, class and elegance to grace their legs with sheer pantyhose on stage.
In what way are Carrie Underwood and singer-actress Cher connected?
“Gypsies, (Carrie Underwood) & Thieves” was a #1 single by Cher in 1971.
Yes, even young professional entertainers like Selena (among many, many others) have the good sense and class to wear sheer nude pantyhose on stage, yet, veteran performer Carrie Underdressed (who truly needs to wear pantyhose so much more than those younger ones do in the first place) still doesn’t get it.
And, as I wrote last season, the fact that SNF is like the biggest money maker for NBC against all other shows (and so is the NFL itself for that matter), it is unfathomable to me that the director or producer of the SNF intro theme song also doesn’t have the sense (or the guts) to tell Carrie Underwhelming that she should wear pantyhose.
During the past few years, the NFL has been cracking down on bad behavior by players, drumming into their heads that it is a privilege to play in the league. (Wake up, Colin Kaepernick and Johnny Manziel.) And on Thursday Night Football the other day, LB Brandon Marshall of the Denver Broncos was the only member of his team not to stand during the singing of the National Anthem before the first regular season NFL game between the host Broncos and the Carolina Panthers.
I was hoping head coach Gary Kubiak, or executive vice president of football operations and general manager John Elway would bench Marshall for the duration of the game. It was good to hear that head coach Jeff Fisher of the L.A. Rams would have. He said as much recently. I would have, too. One player isn’t bigger than the entire team and organization, and football is not a forum for voicing one’s personal, political or social agenda. Marshall might be a good linebacker, but in my mind, he isn’t a good team guy, which makes me wonder whether he’s not a good guy … period.
Sorry, had to get that out of my system (and it’s my blog, and I can say what I wannnnt). But, now, back to what this blog is all about …
The NFL, rightfully so, is image-conscious these days. So what makes Carrie Understated think that she is too good to do the right thing when representing the league and SNF?
I mean 27 out of 32 NFL teams have professional cheerleader squads who wear sheer nude or suntan pantyhose with their uniforms. (The Bears, Browns, Giants, Packers and Steelers don’t have cheerleaders.)
In honor of the Rams’ move back to Los Angeles, I tried to find a photo of the Rams cheerleaders performing during this year’s preseason. I found only one, but it was too small. So instead, here’s a high-resolution pic (above) of the Minnesota Vikings cheerleaders ushering in the contest, as the Vikes hosted the Rams in the teams’ fourth preseason game Thursday, Sept. 1.
Can you even imagine today’s NFL’s cheerleaders performing bear-legged?
Check out this photo (left), taken back when I guess there wasn’t color film. And weren’t pantyhose big in the 1970s?
Heck, today, many college football teams’ and even high school football teams’ cheerleaders have the professionalism and class to wear sheer pantyhose with their uniforms.
Yet, somehow, Carrie Underminer thinks she is above all that.
By the way, I thought of calling her Carrie Underdog, but Underdog is cute, and besides, even a dog hates bare legs (right).
Sooooo, another season in which I will enjoy Sunday Night Football but skip the intro theme song. Not that doing so will make any difference to anybody, but I can’t stand to look at Carrie Underperformer anyway, so at least, I’ll feel better.
The Rhodes home
A few seasons ago, I praised some of the female hosts/reporters, and Lindsay Rhodes (left), specifically, for wearing sheer pantyhose during episodes of NFL Network and NFL Total Access.
Then, Rhodes all of a sudden stopped wearing, and I stopped watching.
The other day, I tuned in to those shows again because of the start of the 2016 season and was pleased to see Lindsay wearing again (at least, during the episode I saw, but hopefully, she’s back to wearing all the time again.)
What? Major League Baseball teams have cheerleaders now? When did that happen?
I’ve been an NFL fan for, I don’t know, a hundred years or so, but MLB? Not so much. OK, practically, never. But when I can find nothing to watch on the 250 or so channels I have on DirecTV, occasionally, I’ll stop in on a baseball game.
And because of where I live, I always can get the Miami Marlins, and recently I was shocked (but quite pleased) to see the Energy Team, especially, since the girls all wear pantyhose with their uniforms.
According to the team’s website, the Energy Team is a high-vitality male and female squad who perform a unique mix of gymnastics, hip-hop, acrobatics, modern jazz, funk and break dancing to provide excitement and entertainment during Miami Marlins home games and appearances throughout the community.
Additionally, the site states the Energy Team is the only co-ed performance pep squad team in Major League Baseball.
To be sure, I Googled that and found that a few MLB teams have some kind of entertainment squads, but the photos showed that the girls on those teams are all bear-legged. Love that Miami sports organizations always show professionalism and class. Way to go, Energy Team!
OK, enough about sports. You’ve read a few times here that I usually decide what I’m going to watch on TV based upon what I believe (hope) is most likely to have pantyhose content in it.
I used to watch Dancing with the Stars, but after a few seasons I could no longer stand seeing professional ballroom dancers strutting around bear-legged. This aint hip-hop, people, it’s BALLROOM. Somehow, the DWTS version of ballroom missed the part about professionalism, class and elegance. I haven’t watched that ridiculous show since.
About 11 seasons ago, I started and am still watching America’s Got Talent even though the judges can be quite annoying, as their egos are so huge, they try to make the show mostly about themselves. Nevertheless, I always liked and miss the old variety shows that were big (I hear) in the 1960s and ‘70s, and AGT truly is a variety show.
Ostensibly, the show is about discovering the next great heretofore unknown super star, and the prize for winning is a headline show in Las Vegas and $1 million.
Seems each year, I fall in love with a few acts, which ultimately get cut, usually, toward the end of the season when audience members and viewers at home cast votes, rather than the judges. Such was the case with, Deadly Games, a husband and wife knife-throwing act. The act was cut during the semifinals.
AGT claims it is looking for an act that is Las Vegas-worthy, but the judges seem to favor singers. (Aren’t there enough stupid singing contest shows out there?)
Not only was Deadly Games exciting and extremely dangerous, the duo of Alfredo and Anna Silva was professional in every way. They stepped up the risk in each performance along their journey, always with a keen sense of timing and great showmanship. The couple were edgy in every way right down to their sexy costumes, and the beautiful and exotic Anna always wore pantyhose.
Deadly Games was made for Las Vegas, and they richly deserved to advance to the finals (and even win). I hope a professional agent contacts the Silvas and gives them their start.
Unfortunately, the AGT voting audience is likely mostly young people who cast their votes based on popularity and sympathy for each act’s personal back story, and they wouldn’t know (or apparently care) what a Vegas-worthy act is. Between the horse’s hiney judges who claim to “love” practically every act, yet, aren’t honest with the ones who really have no chance of winning (i.e., no talent), and these young audience voters who somehow think AGT is really American Idol in different packaging, singing acts seem to get all the love. This, while really truly Vegas-quality acts, such as Russian Bar, ThroWings, a husband and wife high wire act, and another of my favorites this season, a husband and wife act called Quick Change, get cut by goofball judges or unsophisticated audience voting.
Rather than try to explain the Quick Change act here, check out this video of the couple’s first audition:
Of course I love that Victoria always wore beautiful short dresses and pantyhose with every outfit. With Quick Change’s talent, I am sure they will find the fame and success they deserve.
I’ll leave you with this. In the dashboard behind my WordPress blog, I can see the search terms people entered that led them to my blog. One search phrase read: “Do Korean women wear pantyhose?”
Heck, that could be a future blog post for me, but for now, I’ll say this: Probably much of the world realizes that pantyhose are deeply rooted in Asian culture; none more so than in Japan, where wearing pantyhose is a must for reasons of courtesy, femininity and just the right thing to do. I think I love Japan.
I’ve also been following Korean professional models and Korean girl groups (singers/dancers/musicians), all of whom always wear sheer nude or suntan pantyhose on stage and during public appearances.
This picture (left) really caught my attention because … well, it’s really cute, and it shows how deeply seated pantyhose wearing truly is in Korea. So much so that the performer is perfectly comfortable showing the waistband and part of her pantyhose above her shorts.
While I’m not a big fan of fishnet pantyhose, I like this very sexy look. Thought you might like to see it, too.
Note: I noticed that none of the pictures here are expanding to a larger version when you click on them. I always post pics that are in very high resolution (the one of Selena Gomez is 3600 x 2179) for your viewing pleasure.
My blog account was recently updated automatically, and I haven’t figured everything out yet, but this pictures thing is very important to me, so please know I am working on it. For now, if you right click each picture and select View image, some will expand to, at least, a slightly bigger size.
Longtime readers here know I’ll come up with just about any excuse to shine the spotlight on pantyhose. Hey, that’s my job ya know.
Case in point: The movie, Suicide Squad (the latest in the DC Comics films series), which appears to feature its main character, Harley Quinn, wearing fishnet pantyhose (pretty much throughout), was No. 1 for a second weekend in a row (Aug. 5 to Aug. 14), pulling in $222.6 million, according to Box Office Mojo. This, after posting an August-record $133.7 million opening.
So far, Suicide Squad has earned $466 million globally.
Notice above I wrote “appears” to feature its main character wearing fishnet pantyhose. That’s because I haven’t actually seen the movie yet.
Still, there are many promotional photos out there, in which Australian actress Margot Robbie wears some red or purple briefs over torn fishnet pantyhose. While I am not a huge fan of fishnets, my philosophy (as you’ve read here for years) is: Any kind of pantyhose are better than “bear” legs.
I don’t know much about Margot Robbie. Check that … I don’t know anything about Robbie. In fact, until I saw the TV ads for Suicide Squad and looked up the cast, I hadn’t heard of her. So, I don’t know whether or not she’s really very pantyhose friendly, but a quick Google search seems to indicate, well, not exactly.
To her credit though, earlier this year, Robbie was photographed after landing in London from a flight out of Los Angeles, wearing a black skort (combination of skirt and shorts) with sheer black pantyhose.
Also, in a photo from Suicide Squad, it looks as if Robbie might have on sheer nude pantyhose during an interview scene, in which she wears a more business-like outfit with a white lab coat (below left).
At least on this occasion, Margot Robbie arrives earlier this year at Heathrow Airport in London, England.
I say she might be wearing because the picture isn’t in the highest resolution and the lighting is a bit dim.
Anyway, I hope she’s wearing in that scene.
As the chances of my actually going to see Suicide Squad are slim to you-must-be-joking, if you see this movie, please tell me whether Robbie is wearing in that scene.
Since I have no one who would be interested in seeing this film with me, I will wait until it arrives on the DirecTV movie channels.
Oh, and if I did go out to see this movie, I of course, would be wearing a dress, heels and sheer nude pantyhose.
I was happy to see that, once again, the ladies of the China delegation wore sheer nude pantyhose during the Parade of Nations ceremony at the 2016 Olympics in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil.
I didn’t see the delegations of Japan or Korea, but a Google search showed that those nations’ women did not wear pantyhose. In all fairness though, that could be because their ladies wore slacks and blazers. Haaaaaaa
All the U.S. delegation members wore white slacks and blue blazers.
Still, I love that China treats the Olympics ceremonies as a formal occasion, and the ladies always wear skirts, pumps and sheer nude pantyhose.
For some time now, I’ve noticed during ATP and WTA tennis tournaments when the camera pans the crowd, there are a couple of beautiful ladies in skirt suits standing at each of the entrances/exits throughout the different stadiums. They are always wearing sheer nude or suntan pantyhose and look quite awesome.
They are the flight attendants or air hostesses of United Emirates Airlines.
According to About.com, “Emirates is the national airline of Dubai, the United Arab Emirates city-state that has become the Middle East’s luxury playground.”
Lately, the Emirates air hostesses themselves are becoming luxuriously legendary. Check out this awesome video I stumbled upon a while back.
It was shot in May this year, when the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball team hosted the Cincinnati Reds, and Dodgers pitching legend Orel Hershiser came onto the field to throw out the ceremonial first pitch.
It’s a short video (definitely worth your time to view it), and I am so impressed with the cute and clever theme. That, and the fact that the Emirates ladies pulled it off so beautifully and wonderfully.
Lovely ad lady
I gotta say I really hate stupid car (and truck) TV commercials, but I can handle the Toyota ones featuring the receptionist, Jan, who has all the right answers for consumers who come in to the dealership.
Jan is played by Laurel Coppock, a professional model and actress who has appeared on TV shows and, at least, one movie. When Toyota first introduced the character, Jan, she was either behind a desk or on the showroom floor wearing slacks.
Lately though, Jan has been on the showroom floor, flashing some shapely legs in short dresses, pumps and sheer nude pantyhose. Seems Toyota realized what they have in Coppock and they wisely are delivering a great message to those most interested in car commercials — men.
I don’t know about men (but I’ll bet I’m right here), when I see those commercials, all I focus on is Jan. I miss whatever message I’m supposed to receive about the automobiles and the deals.
I want to praise Coppock for wearing pantyhose with those attractive outfits, but as always, who knows whether she wants to wear them, or Toyota wants her to? You guys know I’m always all over these things, so what did I do? That’s right, I Googled her to see whether she is a devoted pantyhose wearer or not. Looks like not.
I couldn’t find a single picture of her wearing pantyhose, other than as the character, Jan. And you guys likely know what my next point is going to be: When Coppock sees how incredible she looks in those Toyota commercials, why wouldn’t she want to look that fabulous all the time?
We can only hope that Coppock will see the light and start channeling Jan in future appearances everywhere else she lands.
How many times have you read here that fashion is inspired by Hollywood? That was really just my own observation. I wasn’t sure whether or not that is really an accurate statement, but it’s my blog and I say what I waaaaaaaant.
I’ve been saying here since 2009 that the few (now many) Hollywood actresses and the scores of professional singers/performers who almost always wear sheer pantyhose during their shows would eventually help to bring pantyhose back.
But when a respected fashion designer has her professional models gliding down the runway, rocking the sheer pantyhose, that can be nothing but a very good sign don’t you think?
It’s in print
I was very pleased to see this piece in the The Saline Courier, an online version of the daily newspaper based in Benton, AR, and covering all of Saline County since 1876.
The publication’s Senior Editor, Lynda Hollenbeck, wrote a great editorial encouraging the return to fashion of sheer pantyhose, along with our common sense.
And while InStyle led the series off with a picture of Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, they actually ranked her Number 4 behind (1.) Jennifer Garner as Elektra, (2.) Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne/Batman, (3.) Chris Pratt as Peter Quill of Guardians of the Galaxy. At Number 5, was Will Smith as John Hancock.
Here’s what they wrote:
(4.) Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman TV series
“When Lynda Carter started playing Wonder Woman on TV in 1975, the role would forever be changed. Nerdy Diana Prince turns into va-va-voom Wonder Woman with a simple spin, losing the glasses and button-ups for a revealing and patriotic one-piece. And Carter’s super-toned bod?”
The Best Act
For those of you who are off the grid (not customers, so not on our email list) and didn’t get the memo, we are running a summer promotion. Buy six pairs in any shade(s) and size(s) of our New Act IV and receive 30% off through Sept. 15.
Just enter code sumpro30 at Checkout.
Sorry, our new vice president is a veteran marketing exec, and she made me add this notice. I’ll introduce her in a future post.
Incidentally, applying the code can be a bit confusing. The first time you’ll see “Apply Coupon” is on the Shopping Cart page. Don’t bother clicking that. It won’t do anything. Instead, apply your coupon code at the Checkout page, which comes up next in the process.
You’ll see this: “Have a coupon? Click here to enter your code.” (Just click on that link, fill in the code in the little window that appears, and then click the “Apply Coupon” box.) You will see an indication that you’ve applied your code successfully.
If you have any difficulty, please let me know via email. Actually, you can’t go wrong because even if you don’t take the discount, I will see that and simply refund the difference back to your PayPal account.
Pantyhose alive and well
Every day, I get emails and comments here from readers who still lament the fact that pantyhose seem to be all but gone from the landscape. Not true, I say. If you really look, you will see pantyhose appearing everywhere these days.
Now, here are some extra pics that didn’t fit anywhere else in this post. Enjoy!
A series of pics of Australian actress Margot Robbie as the DC Comics character, Harley Quinn, in Suicide Squad, which opened earlier this month …
As my loyal readers know, besides their comments here, I receive tons of private emails concerning everything you can imagine about pantyhose (but, almost always clean and classy, which I appreciate).
Naturally, I’m always interested in hearing the views of others, so I am open to receiving unexpected emails or letters to our P.O. Box.
But nothing could have prepared me for the note that was slipped under my door recently. It was like a scene from the X-Files. It’s almost midnight and I’m still working alone in my office.
With the place dimly lit, I notice an ominous shadow cast under the door jam. I’m a little anxious. Who’d be calling on me at this hour? This can’t be good. Then, a note is slid under my door and the shadow just as suddenly disappears.
Typically, I don’t get too excited about a hand-delivered note as long as it’s not a bill or a jury summons.
But this had a strange sense of urgency about it, so I read it at once. Hand-scrawled on scrap paper, it read:
“Dear Rob (I was surprised, as only my closest friends call me Rob),
If you consider yourself a responsible journalist, you won’t pass up the opportunity to expose the discrimination and repression that has been wrought against beardom for the past zillion years or so.”
It was signed simply: The Grizzly
At first, I thought the whole thing was a prank, but the next day an invitation came via a text message (how do these people get my number?) with a time and date to meet The Grizzly at his office (I didn’t know Grizzly bears even have offices) for an exclusive interview. I have to admit, I was filled with some level of trepidation. What could The Grizzly want with me? Was this about my poaching Sarah Jessica Parker — his signature client in his “bear” legs cause? Did he want a piece of me?
So, I reread the note. Yes, he wanted a piece alright. The Grizzly was inviting me to write a piece about … what did he call it … oh, yes, the discrimination and repression of beardom. Hmmmm, my arch enemy was reaching out to me to shed light on an issue that was troubling not only him, but “all of beardom.” (I hadn’t realized there’s a beardom.)
While I probably should have thought better of the idea, the curiosity was too much for me to “bear” (yuk yuk), so I accepted the invitation, and a limousine arrived for me the next morning. Wow, The Grizzly certainly has a sense of class and style, sending a limo for me. And it was a nice ride to a more well-to-do neighborhood than I expected.
The entrance and driveway were impressive enough, and then I looked up at a very large and really tall house before The Grizzly came out to meet me. I was shocked at how big this guy really is. Must be 14 feet tall, and I couldn’t even begin to guess how much he weighs. I was certain my kung fu would be of no use against such a specimen. I had willingly walked into the bear’s domain and was on my own now.
To my relief, The Grizzly was quite formal and engaging. He invited me into his office. He called it the den. (I thought that was clever.) It was warm and cozy, kind of like a man cave, only he’s a Grizzly, so I’d have to say it was a bear cave. He took a seat in the den in a plush chair that probably should have been a lot bigger.
He got right to the point:
“Being The Grizzly is no picnic,” he said.
I stifled a giggle. “No picnic.” That was cute. Bears certainly are linked to picnics, I thought, and I couldn’t stop this image from forming in my head. But somehow he must have gotten that same image because in his version, the bear’s picnic basket was packed generously with ActSensuous pantyhose for food.
“Don’t get me wrong,” he continued. “I mean, yeah, I’m at the top of the food chain and all in my world. But people are really missing the point here. If it weren’t for my role as champion of the bare legs cause, no one would care about bears.”
“Wait a minute, you mean you represent that ugly subculture of women who hate pantyhose just for the attention,” I asked?
“Oh, it’s all PR,” he said. “I do it strictly for the image.”
“Seriously, Grizzly bears have an image problem,” I asked?
“Think about it,” he said. “What kind of images do you associate with bears?”
He was right. The first thing that came to my mind was hunting. Then, all kinds of terrible thoughts hit me, such as a mounted bear inside a cabin at a resort, and those huge bear skin rugs in front of fireplaces.
“Come to think of it, there are a lot of dreadful things humans associate with bears,” I admitted, swallowing hard.
“Yeah, well, that aint the half of it, sister,” he said. “Bears have been pushed around, disrespected and abused since time immemorial.
So, look, you showed up, proving you’re a responsible journalist after all. You want to hear my story, and will you print it in your blog?”
I agreed. And so the interview began. And, being true to my part of the agreement, here is the transcript of the interview between myself and The Grizzly:
Interview with The Grizzly
Robin: So, you’re saying bears have always had it bad?
Grizzly: Oh yeah, we get no respect. Never have. From always being depicted as the bad guys in movies, to being falsely accused of terrorizing campers … heck, just in everyday life, you humans are always dissing bears.
Robin: Really, always in everyday life? Gimme an example.
Grizzly: How much time you got? There are so many examples. Take everyday phrases you people say, using my species’ namesake. They’re all negative: There’s “Bear with me” when you’re taking too long to accomplish something. There’s “I can’t bear it” when you’re dealing with a hardship. There’s “bear down” when you’re taking on a difficult project. And then, there’s my all-time favorite: “Does a bear sh** in the woods?”
Robin: (Again, I tried not to laugh, remembering I had said after reading The Grizzly’s note in my office: “… the curiosity was too much for me to bear.”)
Robin: Well, I’m not sure you had to include that last one, but OK, I’ll give you that there are many things people say that have a negative connotation toward bears, although really, they’re not intended that way. Still, there’s at least one positive “bear” phrase you should like.
Grizzly: Yeah, what’s that?
Robin: “I come bearing gifts.”
Grizzly: I come baring legs.
Robin: Haaaaaaa, good one!
Grizzly: Sorry, couldn’t resist. You walked right in to that one.
Robin: Yeah, I tend to do that. I mean, I’m here, aint I? But, really, not all movies make you the bad guy.
Grizzly: Name one that doesn’t.
Robin: Everybody loves Baloo the Bear in the movie, The Jungle Book. “Look for the bear necessities …”
Grizzly: Please stopping singing that. I won’t be able to get that song out of my head for weeks now. Anyway, humans think that movie is cute, but at its essence, it’s embarrassing at best to bears.
Robin: Really? Sorry to hear that. OK, what about Smoky the Bear? He’s certainly a good guy. He ought to be a role model for all bears. Heck, you’ve got a poster of him on your wall there.
Grizzly: He’s … what’s the word I’m looking for … oh yeah, slow.
Grizzly: Alright, he’s not slow really. But we bears don’t care for him. He’s a little too chummy with you humans.
Robin: OK, that’s a bit disturbing to hear, especially now. I think he’s a positive and endearing figure. We humans love Smoky the Bear.
Grizzly: Remember, only YOU can prevent forest rangers!
Robin: Uh, that’s forest fires.
Grizzly: That’s not how we bears say it.
Robin: OK, now I’m really nervous. On to a different subject. Could it be that you’re too defensive about your role in pop culture?
Grizzly: Look, bears have had a bad rap since as far back as the 1800s when that libelous story first came out about three bears and some snot-nosed little brat.
Robin: Goldilocks and the Three Bears? Oh, c’mon, that’s one of the most popular fairy tales of all time.
Grizzly: Well, it didn’t start out that way. You should Google that title.
Robin: (The Grizzly uses Google?)
Grizzly: Originally, the Goldilocks character was an old hag who busted into a bear family’s cottage all uninvited you know. Today, that’s known as a home invasion. Then, she had the nerve to eat up their porridge and try to stay. Nowadays, you call that squatting. And then, when the bear family comes home, she freaks out and bolts, accidentally falling to her death. But, it was the bears who got the blame for that, and we’ve been the bad guys ever since.
Robin: Yeah, but another author came along later and changed the old hag character into a pretty little girl with golden hair who was actually treated more hospitably by the three bears. What about that?
Grizzly: Oh, sure, that innocent little girl. She broke into the bear family’s cottage, ate up their porridge, broke Baby Bear’s chair and then slept in Papa Bear’s bed. Little brat probably even peed in the bed. Yet, she’s the hero. Little kids all over the world grow up thinking it’s OK to take advantage of bears, all because Goldilocks became a star.
Robin: Well, it’s just a fairy tale. And, I’d hardly call her a star. In fact, for the most part, Goldilocks has been all but forgotten for years.
Grizzly: Not by bears. We’re reminded of her every time we see a Chevy Chase movie co-starring that blonde who just so happens to be a direct descendant of Goldilocks.
Robin: Who’s that?
Grizzly: You know … Goldie Hawn.
Robin: Ohhhhh, Goldilocks/Goldie Hawn. I get it.
Grizzly: She had it all, that Goldie Hawn. Beauty, talent, brains, and she was funny as heck. And she really was a star. And, I’m sure you love the fact that she was a devoted pantyhose wearer in her day.
Robin: Well, sure, I loved Goldie Hawn for all her talent and especially because she always wore sheer suntan or nude pantyhose in every movie of hers I ever saw.
But you ought to feel a little vindicated by the fact that Goldie’s actress daughter, Kate Hudson, doesn’t seem to share her mother’s sense of professionalism, class and good taste, to say nothing of femininity. Shame, too, because the few times she does wear sheer pantyhose, she looks amazing. But for now anyway, it certainly seems she’s more likely to be seen bear-legged.
Grizzly: When you write up the transcript of this interview, how are you going to spell what you just said there?
Robin: What, bear-legged? Uh, b a r e …
Robin: Heh heh heh. Well, speaking of that, you mentioned earlier that you champion the whole bear-legs cause just for the PR. How’s that been working out for you?
Grizzly: During the mid-to-late ‘90s and the entire decade of 2000, it rocked to be The Grizzly. I mean, bare legs was all the rage. Women everywhere were wearing fabulous dresses or skirts, designer shoes with beautiful pedicures and then completely ruining the outfits with their bare legs. That was awesome! It really looked ridiculous, but they were all brainwashed. They even dressed that way at the office. Heck, even to weddings and funerals. Suddenly, bears were getting the love we always deserved.
Robin: Wait, you just said that the bear-legs look was ridiculous. Does that mean you really don’t hate pantyhose?
Grizzly: No-no, not at all. I love pantyhose. They taste great. They’re my main source of fiber these days. C’mon, you’ve seen the pics. You’ve published them in your blog. Bears everywhere love ripping pantyhose — especially your brand — to shreds.
Listen, I’ve got a whole new image to uphold these days. I told you, I’m in this campaign for the good publicity. If women want to bare their legs in even the most professional or formal of venues, no matter how awful they look, that’s just good for business as far as I’m concerned?
Robin: I’ve never been able to figure out how so many women throughout the world lost their minds this way.
Grizzly: Oh, you called it from the beginning: It was that whole Sex and the City thing that gave women the idea they could stop wearing pantyhose, coinciding with the casualization of the office in general. This just got women all over the world to jump on that bandwagon until bare legs turned into pop culture. I told you: Humans are easily influenced by a good story and a convincing actress.
Robin: Yeah, you really did have a pretty good run there with Sarah Jessica Parker, didn’t you?
Grizzly: You really shouldn’t remind me about that while you’re in The Grizzly’s den. But, yeah, we had a good thing going for a while there. She had women everywhere fooled for a long time. I still can’t believe you stole my best client.
Robin: Well, I didn’t really steal her from you. I merely set the record straight. She was just playing a part on TV and in the movies. But it became clear that in real life, she wasn’t truly the pantyhose hater everyone thought she was. I had to give her Credit ‘wear’ Credit is Due.
Grizzly: I gotta admit: It hurt losing SJP. I thought we were close.
Robin: I did feel a little bad about that. But it was touching to see how you tried so hard to win her back. Very romantic you were.
Grizzly: Yeah, I’ll miss her. She and I were good together.
Robin: Actually, I always thought your true signature client was Stacy London. I see you’ve got that picture of the two of you on your table there.
And, boy, does Stacy London deserve it. Still, SJP was a bigger star. And the damage she did, whether intentionally or not, was good enough to sustain the bare-legs cause for probably a while to come still.
Robin: You might be right about that, but surely, you’ve noticed that it’s been more and more difficult for me to find a celebrity who’s truly deserving of The Grizzly Awards.
Grizzly: I have noticed that. And don’t call me Shirley.
Robin: Good gosh, who knew The Grizzly has a sense of humor?
Grizzly: Hey, I told you: It’s all about the PR, and humor is my calling card. But to answer your question, yes, membership in the bare legs club definitely has waned recently. I mean there are still a few celebs who — since the opportunity to not wear was created in the first place — probably will never wear pantyhose again. I’ll go through my Rolodex and send you some names.
Robin: Really, you’d do that for me? Wow, what a guy. Wait a minute, you have a Rolodex?
Grizzly: Hey, you know the saying: “Keep your friends close, and your enemies over for dinner.” Or, something like that.
Robin: Uhhhhh, let’s be friends, not enemies, shall we?
Grizzly: You really shouldn’t consider me the enemy. After all, I made you.
Robin: Uhhhhhh, I’m sorry, come again?
Grizzly: C’mon, your blog would be just another pile of dull crap about pantyhose on the Internet if it weren’t for The Grizzly Awards and your whole “bear” legs thing. I have to admit, that was very clever.
Robin: Yeah, thanks, but I don’t know about that whole “you made me thing.” I kinda think I’ve made you. If you weren’t the face (or the legs, actually) of the “bear”-legs franchise, what would you being doing right now … stealing pic-i-nic baskets?
Grizzly: Oh, that was low …
Robin: Hey, it’s one more example of how you’re wrong about humans’ feelings toward bears. Everyone loves Yogi, ya know.
Grizzly: Uh, yeah, he’s a bit slow, too.
Robin: Oh boy! OK, let’s get back to the fact that it’s increasingly difficult for me to find a celebrity today who is truly deserving of The Grizzly Awards because even if one thinks of her as a bear legger, at least occasionally, she can be seen wearing pantyhose. I don’t want to be thought of as unjustly attacking a celebrity who might be loved by many in either the pantyhose or the bear-legs camps. It would be too easy for someone to counter with: “Wait a minute, look at this picture: She was wearing pantyhose for this occasion, or at that venue.” I could lose credibility if I pick on someone who does wear at least once in a while.
Grizzly: No, no, no, you gotta go with the percentages, kiddo. There are still quite a few celebs out there who wear pantyhose out and about — and I know how much you love that — but then, they go bare-legged to a formal ceremony, such as The Oscars or The Grammy Awards. And I know how much you hate that.
Robin: Exactly. I truly hate that.
Grizzly: So present them with The Grizzly Awards already.
Robin: I would, but sometimes the lines are a bit blurred. It’s tough to tell who’s who in this contest.
Grizzly: C’mon, you know who these people are. I know a part of you feels it would be the right thing to do to hand out The Grizzly Award to Sandra Oh. Am I right? You know I’m right. You really do want to give Sandra Oh the coveted Grizzly Award, don’t you? It’s OK, you can say it. Everyone knows you do. You never see that chick in pantyhose, but you’re torn because the few times she did wear in the past, you think she looked amazing, and you loved her, and now you don’t want to make her look bad.
Robin: Man, you got me pegged. How do you know these things? Who’ve you been talking with?
Grizzly: Hellooooo, I read your blog, ya know. Want me to name others just like Sandra Oh?
Robin: Oh, please do. Wait, you read my blog? What a day this is turning into. The things I’m learning here.
Grizzly: OK, buckle your seatbelt. This aint gonna be pretty. You will not like some of these, but if you’re honest, you’ll have to admit I’m right.
Robin: Go for it.
Grizzly: Let’s just stay on the whole Asian theme. Your beloved Asian actresses you think are so wonderful. Here we go: Bai Ling, Devon Aoki, Gong Li, Jamie Cheung, Joan Chen, Lucy Liu, Maggie Q, Michelle Yeoh — that’s right, I said Michelle Yeoh. That one particularly hurts, doesn’t it?
Robin: Yes, that one really kills me. And the others hurt too.
Grizzly: But wait, there’s more: Jun Ji-hyun, Marie Matiko (has she ever worn a pair of pantyhose in her entire life?), Moon Bloodgood, Olivia Munn, Uhm Jung-hwa.
Robin: Stop, stop already. I love all of them, and they’ve each been known to wear pantyhose so beautifully, at least once in a while. You’re cruel.
Grizzly: Talk to the paw, Honey, talk to the paw. I just call ‘em as I see ‘em.
Robin: Well, you are right about Marie Matiko. I have never ever seen a single picture of her wearing pantyhose. And that is so strange, as she is Japanese and wearing sheer pantyhose is practically the law in Japan. I guess Marie Matiko is too Americanized to care.
But including Jun Ji-hyun (aka Jun Ji-hyeon, aka Gianna Jun) on your list is baffling to me. Ji-Hyun wears pantyhose 10 times more frequently than all of those actresses you mentioned combined. With me, she’ll always get credit for her starring role in the movie Blood: The Last Vampire (above), as she wore sheer nude pantyhose with her Japanese schoolgirl outfit. (Note: Jun Ji-hyun, featured in this blog a few years ago, actually is Korean.)
But, here’s the thing: She often appears wearing sheer pantyhose while attending press conferences (right) and movie premiers, and when performing in television commercials.
And if that weren’t enough, she’s also a professional model who almost always wears sheer pantyhose to cover some of the biggest international fashion magazines (below).
Yes, I love Jun Ji-hyun.
Grizzly: Yeah, yeah … OK, fine. I’ll give you that one. I can understand why you’re so high on her.
She does seem to do everything right in your world.
Robin: Yes, she really is a class act in every way. She is a very popular actress, beloved for her romantic comedies, which is why it was a such a surprise that she starred in Blood: The Last Vampire, and did an excellent job transitioning into a physical/martial arts genre.
And she certainly sets a great example for younger Asian celebs, who might otherwise attempt to emulate the way Hollywood celebrities dress.
Robin: OK, so can we stop now?
Robin: Thank you.
Grizzly: Kelly Hu.
Grizzly: Kelly H … Oh, OK, I see. You got me with that one. Niiiiiiiiice.
Robin: Sorry, couldn’t resist. Yeah, Kelly Hu — a gorgeous woman with great legs. Such a waste that she seems to never have heard of the word, pantyhose. Sure, there’s the extremely rare time when she wears black tights or fishnets with high boots, but that doesn’t count in my book. Why hide those legs in pantyhose under boots?
Grizzly: See what I mean? You’ve got a lot of choices to hand out a Grizzly Award. Want me to name the non-Asian celebs now?
Grizzly: Amy Adams, Angelina Jolie, Eva Longoria, Gabrielle Anwar, Jennifer Aniston, Julianna Margulies, Leah Remini, Mila Kunis, Morena Baccarin, Rachel McAdams, Renee Zellweger, Robin Tuney, Sandra Bullock, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sarah Shahi, Teri Hatcher, Yancy Butler …
Robin: But …
Robin: OK, fine. Darn, those are some good names on your list. What happened to them? Of course, pantyhose lovers are happy that Julianna Margulies wears sheer nude pantyhose on The Good Wife, but she never wears during a late night talk show, and I’m guessing never to an awards show, or even when she’s out and about. That means she wears on The Good Wife only because she has to. If it were up to her, I’m sure she wouldn’t wear on that show.
Grizzly: Now you’re getting it. You’ve just been looking at it all wrong.
Robin: Oh my goodness, I’m so confused now.
Grizzly: Listen, just because you’ve seen each one of them wear pantyhose in the past, or even recently on a TV show, or in a movie, you have to look at their complete body of work. Most of them, left to their own devices, are going to go bare-legged. There really are a few of them who most definitely deserve to receive The Grizzly Award. In fact, I’ve got one I am sure you’ve never thought of, whom I would venture to say has never worn pantyhose a day in her whole life.
Robin: Really? Oh, do tell, do tell.
Grizzly: I don’t want to spoil it for your readers by mentioning her here now. Tell you what … I’ll text you later, and you’ll agree with me. Then, she can be your next recipient of The Grizzly Awards.
Robin: Oh, c’mon, just give me a hint? (Wait a minute … The Grizzly can text?)
Grizzly: OK, sure. Actually, it might be fun for your readers. They know these things. In fact, they’ve probably already thought of this one. She’s an actress in her mid-30s and her initials are JB. I guarantee you won’t be able to find a single picture of her in sheer pantyhose.
Robin: Really? Can’t wait to learn who this one is.
Grizzly: Yeah, and here’s another candidate for you. Her initials are BB.
Robin: Game show host?
Robin: Yeah, I hate her. She’s gorgeous, but totally unprofessional. She never wears. She definitely deserves to receive The Grizzly Award. Actually, I wish Grizzlies would just eat her. No one I know would mind if a Grizzly just devoured her.
Readers, know the celebs (JB and BB) The Grizzly and Robin are talking about? Tell us who they are via email (email@example.com), and if you’re right, win one or two free pairs of ActSensuous pantyhose.
Receive one free pair for correctly naming one celebrity; get two free pairs for correctly naming both.
Only one email entry per reader please.
Grizzly: Now you’re coming around. You’ve been too nice, especially, when it comes to the borderline types. I say even though they used to be consistent pantyhose-wearers, if they have been seen more often bare-legged, they’re fair game for you.
Robin: Geez, you’re right, Grizz. I really don’t understand some of these people.
Grizzly: Hey, listen, they don’t call it Hollyweird for nothing. (Grizz? Only my closest friends call me Grizz.)
Rob: OK, now on the other hand … check that … on the other paw (snicker), who would you say are some of the more famous celebrities who never bought in to the bear-legs culture from the get-go, or at least the ones who most consistently wear pantyhose for all the right reasons.
Grizz: Oh, you gotta go with Anne Hathaway, Christine Baransky, Christie Brinkley, Jessica Alba, Kim Basinger, Katie Holmes, Megan Fox, Meredith Vieira, Milla Jovovich, Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayek, Sofia Vergara, Zooey Deschanel, and of course, that gal named Kate who’s now in England.
Rob: Oh, yes, Kate Middleton should get a Nobel Peace Prize for practically bringing pantyhose back from the grave. That’s very good. You really know your celebs.
Grizz: Rosario Dawson.
Rob: I’m sorry …
Grizz: Rosario Dawson.
Rob: Oh my goodness, you are soooooo right again. She is extremely classy all the time. I don’t think she ever bought in to that whole bear-legs deal. That lovely woman always wears the most sheer, sexy pantyhose and looks absolutely stunning in them.
Note: Well, that’s what I thought anyway. In doing a search on the Internet for a current picture to use here, I didn’t see one new picture of Rosario wearing pantyhose since the many I had filed away during the past few years. That makes me wonder whether she ultimately gave in to the pressure from other bear-legged celebrities. That would be such a shame.
Grizz: Now, listen: I’ve given up some good leads for those who deserve consideration for your Credit “wear” Credit is Due feature. That, and because you stole my signature client away from me, it’s time for a little quid pro quo here. I want the name of the celebrity you feel is the most devoted bare-legger, the one you hate the most, to replace SJP as my signature client. C’mon, give it up. Who’s my next recipient of the prestigious Grizzly Awards?
Rob: OK, sure, that’s fair. Here’s a hint for you: Her first name is the same as the main character on that show that is generally credited with starting the bear-legs movement.
Grizz: OK, Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City. Carrie … Carrie … Ohhhhhhhh, Carrie Underwood. Yeah, good one. I’ll take her. That’s a great trade.
Rob: Yeah, I really hate that bimbo. How unprofessional of her to perform the Sunday Night Football theme song in bear legs and cowboy boots in back-to-back seasons. And, in every appearance she makes on other shows I’ve seen, she does the whole bear legs thing. That one has zero class. You can have her and keep her. And please eat her, too. I don’t ever want to have to look at those pasty white bony legs of hers again.
Grizz: OK, done. By the way, I will say this: You’ve definitely nailed the one young celeb who really deserves all the praise you’ve heaped upon her and the huge amount of love for how devoted to pantyhose she is.
Rob: Oh, I know who you’re talking about — Ariana
Grizz: Grande. Yes, l can foresee her causing me all kinds of trouble in my efforts to recruit future bare-leggers. She is a gem in your camp. How can a girl that young have so much professionalism, class, grace and femininity during a time when your young people prefer to dress like homeless people? Does she have stock in your company? Be honest, you’ve bought her, right?
Rob: Haaaaa, I would have, but no, she’s done this completely on her own. I’m as amazed as you are. She certainly appears to be the real deal, and I hope she stays that way because right now, she’s one in a million. I know pantyhose lovers everywhere appreciate Ariana for her devotion to wearing sheer pantyhose, not only on stage, but at publicity functions, most often at awards shows, and even just out and about. She is setting such a good example for her young fans, and like Kate Middleton, Ariana, might some day be credited with helping pantyhose make a comeback. Yes, she is almost too good to be true.
Grizz: Exactly, too good to be true. So enjoy her while you can.
Rob: Wait. What do you mean by that?
Grizz: Oh you know as well as I do that good things like her don’t last forever. You’ll see. Whatever it is that causes her to dress so nicely and wear sheer pantyhose is likely to change some day, and then I will be there to scoop her up. She’ll be my new prized client.
Rob: Now that would be a real shame. I hope you’re wrong. OK, now here’s one more thing I’ve been dying to ask you about. Hope you’re ready because this one hits close to home.
Grizz: Fire away …
Rob: What’s with so many celebs, professional models and even everyday ladies from all over the world wearing pantyhose while hobnobbing with bears? I would have thought you’d forbid “beardom” (love that word) from partaking in such debauchery. Yet, it’s out there. Some very beautiful ladies wearing pantyhose while snuggling with bears.
Grizz: Oh, sure, throw that in my face.
Rob: Warned ya.
Grizz: I’ll have to see it to believe it.
Rob: You will when you see my finished piece. I think you’ll find it disturbing, this trend of beautiful models and other celebs getting all lovey dovey with bears.
Grizz: I’ll tell you right now, those must be rogue bears who are not part of the union. I can’t be held accountable for their actions.
Rob: Well, I like the pics because they bring closer those who should be enemies. Kind of like you and me, Grizz.
Grizz: Don’t push it, Rob. I haven’t eaten yet and I’m as hungry as a bear.
And with that, the interview ended and Grizz walked me out, stopping in the family room this time where he proudly showed off his family portrait.
And don’t think I didn’t notice all the other bear memorabilia in the room where Grizz’s cubs play, including the Goldilocks and the Three Bears dolls, the books, and all the Chicago Bears fan stuff.
In any case, what I had feared would be an uncomfortable meeting turned out to be anything but. The Grizzly was professional and classy. He was even cute and charming. I left feeling like I’d made a new friend. But I ain’t going out to eat with him. That’s for sure.
As I was getting in the limo to return to my office, I thought of my best question, so I blurted out:
“Hey, Grizz. If bears have had it so bad for so long, how are you able to live in a great house like this and have a limo driver at your disposal?”
“When it’s important to maintain a big image these days, one must diversify,” he said. “That’s why I invented these a long time ago.”
Gummy Bears! Wouldn’t you just know it? And I had been feeling sorry for Grizz. Looks like he’s in the game for the long haul, just like me. And that’s a good thing. We are good for one another.
My thanks to J. Aton of ATON DIGITAL STUDIOS for his original artwork for ActSensuous. Check out J. Aton’s artist website and online portfolio atwww.atondigitalstudios.com
Pantyhose babes hobnobbing with bears
Unidentified young lady wearing pantyhose teases bear
Unidentified young lady in pantyhose lounges with her bear
Unidentified young lady wearing pantyhose smooches her bear
Unidentified bear lover wearing pantyhose gives a bear hug
Unidentified performer in sheer pantyhose tames a bear
Chinese star Lin Xiao Nuo is content in the company of bears
Korean professional model Lee Eun Hye holds her bear closely
Korean Professional model Lee Eun Hye cozies up to a bear
Korean professional model So Yeon Yang hugs her bear
Korean professional model Jung Jung Ah plays with her bear
Korean professional model Im So Yeon loves on her bear
Im So Yeon snuggles with her bear
Im So Yeon lies with her happy bear
Im So Yeon pouts with her bear
A bear takes a back seat to Korean professional model Han Ga Eun. Anyone would.
Unidentified Korean professional model has a leg up on her bear
Longtime readers here know when it comes to the subject of pantyhose, I am always right. About everything really.
When ActSensuous was born in 2001, it was I who — on our first website — coined the phrases “bare-legs movement” and “bare-legs culture.” (Of course, in 2009 when this blog launched, I changed the bare to “bear” and you all know why.)
Also on our first website, I blamed actress Sarah Jessica Parker in her role as Carrie Bradshaw in the “Sex and the City” TV series (and later, movies) for starting the whole bear-legs movement.
Ever since, she has stood as the bear legs villain of all time.
Besides on our website, I’ve also vilified SJP in this blog.
Then, one of our longtime readers and most prolific commenters, Brian W., in August 2013, made this comment:
You are amazing! (Alright, alright, I added that part. Here’s Brian W.’s real comment:)
I mentioned in one of my previous comments about Candace Bushnell, the newspaper columnist and author of the novel “Sex and the City” that would later be adapted into a TV and movie series. Candace goes bare legged for all seasons after receiving advice from a gay fashion expert telling her that “No woman should wear pantyhose, especially in the winter.” That is why the Carrie Bradshaw character is based on Ms. Bushnell’s personal experiences, and going bare-legged is one of them.
That comment got me thinking that, perhaps, I was wrong (this one time only) and Sarah Jessica Parker wasn’t the real bad guy in the bear-legs movement.
Then, I thought Naaaaaah, SJP has to be the villain, as she always has been the face (OK, the legs, actually) of the very bear-legs culture itself.
Still, in addition to Brian W.’s comment in 2013, I had been noticing more and more pictures of SJP wearing pantyhose in movies, at movie premieres, media appearances, publicity events, and often, even when she’s out and about.
What? How could this be?
After seeing so many pics of SJP in pantyhose, coupled with the facts from Brian W.’s comment about Bushnell, I realized that I really was wrong, and SJP had been wrongly accused by me.
After all, SJP made an appearance during a Chanel event in August 2011 wearing a pair of the high-end clothing, handbags and accessories retailer’s pantyhose, which sold for $250. Seriously, $250. I mean, who does that?
Yes, it was time for me to open my eyes and my mind, and take notice of the former SATC star.
So, a couple of weeks ago, to make up for my having falsely accused her of starting the bear-legs movement, ActSensuous invited SJP to a special function, which she cheerfully accepted.
Thus, in the headline of this post: Credit ‘wear’ Credit is Due — You won’t believe who, the “who” is one Sarah Jessica Parker.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking:
Has Robin lost her mind? Was she paid off? Did I log on to the wrong blog?
Let me assure you, readers … all is well and good.
It’s just that in doing my research for this post, I found way more pictures of SJP wearing pantyhose than many other celebs who’ve been praised several times in this blog by me, and also by some of you in your comments.
In fact, the more I investigated, the further I became convinced that SJP is not the villain I’d been making her out to be since 2001.
And in graciously accepting the ActSensuous invitation to be honored in this blog, SJP didn’t disappoint, always arriving in style at the Space Coast Imperial Palace .
And during the three-day celebration, SJP always showed up in fabulous outfits, complemented by some awesome high heels, and showing off a few different styles of pantyhose.
As amazing as SJP looks in pantyhose, it’s a mystery to me why she ever would want to be seen bear-legged again.
Seeing SJP in beautiful outfits and pantyhose during the 3-day award ceremony, only reinforced in my mind what I had been seeing the past few years.
One of the movies in which she starred, “I Don’t Know How She Does It” (2011), was not only a cute story, but it featured SJP as a corporate executive who has to learn how to juggle her rise to the top at a financial management company along with her family responsibilities.
As the movie was set in Boston during the winter months, and mostly, because SJP played a corporate exec, it was fitting that she always wore skirts or skirt suits, heels and pantyhose. And not just pantyhose, but often sheer nude pantyhose.
This made the movie and SJP’s character more realistic, and that isn’t always the case in motion pictures of this kind.
By the way, as a side note, Olivia Munn played a junior associate at the firm, and she dressed in proper business attire, as well. And while it’s not that unusual to see Olivia Munn in pantyhose (at publicity events and often just out and about these days), it was absolutely wonderful to see her (finally) wearing sheer nude pantyhose.
Here’s the thing (and I’ve said this … what, about a thousand times regarding different celebs?): When Olivia goes back and watches “I Don’t Know How She Does It,” and sees herself looking as amazing as she did in sheer nude pantyhose, why wouldn’t she want to dress this way all the time? Or, at least, more often.
Am I right, people? Are you hearing me out there? Look at those gorgeous gams on Olivia Munn.
Back to the ActSensuous award ceremony: Don’t think for a minute that the three days were all just fun and games.
After all, SJP had always been the signature client of the Grizzly, yet, here she was receiving the ActSensuous Credit “wear” Credit is Due award.
You remember the Grizzly. He held his own celebration a while back, handing out the inaugural Grizzly Award to that total “fashion” witch, Stacy London, of “What Not to Wear.” Now London definitely is the most deserving recipient of the Grizzly Award.
You’re with me on this, right readers?
Still, it was SJP who put the Grizzly on the map, and he wasn’t about to let her go so easily.
It appears our security was not up to snuff because the Grizzly crashed the event, trying to talk SJP into staying in his camp.
He greeted her on the red carpet with a bottle of what looked to be some very fine Champagne.
I almost felt sorry for the Grizzly, as he was rebuked by SJP on the red carpet, surrounded by a horde of paparazzi and adoring onlookers.
But the Grizzly is not discouraged so easily.
He wasn’t about to let his most famous and best client go, without trying every trick in the book to woo her back.
And, somehow, the Grizzly was able to sneak backstage the next day, where he tried to entice SJP with flowers and a box of Godiva chocolates.
Fittingly for the occasion, he even wore a tuxedo.
We’ve gotta give the Grizzly props for his creativity and style in going all-out in his efforts to win back his best client.
He certainly won some points with SJP for that backstage maneuver, yet, she once again found a way to resist the Grizzly’s advances.
Apparently, she was now enjoying her new-found attention and appreciation for being a more pantyhose-friendly celebrity.
Finally, in a last-ditch effort, the Grizzly pulled out all the stops.
Several days after the ActSensuous award ceremony, while SJP was back home relaxing, the Grizzly did the unthinkable:
He showed up at the star’s estate home.
SJP had shunned all the Grizzly’s attempts to woo her back.
It had been a long partnership between her and the bear, and it couldn’t have been easy for her to keep turning him down.
Nevertheless, SJP was convicted about wearing pantyhose and finally putting the distinction of being the Grizzly’s signature client behind her.
So, taking a page from the 1989 John Cusack movie, “Say Anything,” the Grizzly parked himself on SJP’s and Matthew Broderick’s property, and facing her bedroom window, played the song “Baby Come Back” from the band, Player in 1977.
You know the lyrics: “Baby, come back. You can blame it all on me. I was wrong and I just can’t live without you.”
The Grizzly was desperate to salvage his Number One and favorite client, and he’d stop at nothing to keep Sarah Jessica Parker.
Take heart, Grizzly, you might have lost SJP, but there are plenty of other suspects you could go after.
One such candidate is Candace Bushnell.
This former columnist for The New York Observer, and current novelist and television producer who authored SATC, is more to blame for the bear-legs movement than SJP ever was.
As reader and frequent commenter, Brian W. stated, Bushnell, 57, was too easily persuaded to ditch pantyhose by a gay fashion designer.
I wear bare legs most of the year,” Bushnell said during an interview with The Mirror, an online tabloid. “It’s kind of a fashion thing. A New York designer decreed that women should never wear pantyhose, not even in winter. They’re just not sexy. I just shave my legs.
She “wears” bare legs? More like she wears a bear’s legs. “It’s kind of a fashion thing?” And pantyhose are “just not sexy?” OK, does Bushnell sound like a prolific novelist and TV producer to you? I think she’s easily influenced. She’s certainly confused.
At least 90 percent of the male population and millions of females throughout the world (such as me) think pantyhose are the sexiest thing a woman could ever wear.
Oh, and shaving one’s legs ain’t exactly some closely-guarded secret known only to celebrities, Bushnell. And, if you think just shaving will make your legs look sexy, uh, yeah … that’s not going to happen for you.
It’s too bad Bushnell was so easily brainwashed against wearing pantyhose.
Still, she might never have been much of a pantyhose wearer in the first place. In a Google search, I could find only two pictures of her in pantyhose. In the photo at left, Bushnell actually showed up dressed like this to a television station’s event. Real professional, Bushnell.
How is an accomplished author and a television producer so easily influenced about how to dress by a gay fashion designer?
But that is exactly what happened. Once, when asked during an online interview about the best fashion advice she ever received, Bushnell said:
“Isaac Mizrahi once told me that a lady never, ever wears pantyhose. Even if it’s snowing and 20 degrees outside.”
Wait, THAT was the best fashion advice Bushnell ever received? And it made sense to her?
Now I say instead of being the next client for the Grizzly, I think she should be eaten by the Grizzly.
Yes, it was Bushnell who wrote the SATC TV series, which aired from 1998 to 2004, featuring high-society women in New York City who wear the fashions of the day, including fabulous heels, but sans the pantyhose. That show spearheaded the launch of the bear-legs movement.
So, really, Candace Bushnell — not Sarah Jessica Parker — is the culprit who instigated the bear-legs culture.
Yet, years later (2010), Bushnell herself wore sheer pantyhose for an interview with an online fashion magazine.
Perhaps Bushnell is finally growing up?
Maybe she’s still confused.
Another suspect the Grizzly ought to go after is Patricia Field, the costume designer for SATC, who won a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Costumes for a Series (Sex and the City 2002).
Ironically, Field, 74, (also gay) hosted and designed the outfits for a fashion event in 2012 in New York City, and it featured many women wearing pantyhose.
Similarly, Field designed the costumes for the TV series, “Ugly Betty” (2006-2010) and the movie, “The Devil Wears Prada” (2006), both of which featured its stars wearing pantyhose.
So, while Field obviously has something personal against pantyhose, she at least hasn’t shut them out of the wardrobes of all movies and events.
In looking at images of Field online, I didn’t see a single picture of her wearing pantyhose herself (thank God for that, actually).
However, I did see a picture of Lucy Liu attending Field’s 2009 birthday party, in which (of course, Field was bear-legged), yet, even Lucy Liu wore pantyhose.
That’s significant because Lucy Liu hardly ever wears pantyhose during public appearances.
So, indeed, the Grizzly has a couple of candidates for new clients, but SJP no longer should be considered one of them.
And, it’s appearing more and more obvious that the next Grizzly Award should go to Bushnell or Field, or both.
Now, is SJP still going to disappoint us by showing up bear-legged on talk shows, at movie premieres, public appearances and even while she’s just out and about?
Yeah, more than likely. OK, definitely.
Then again, there isn’t a single celebrity, even the ones who can be considered devoted pantyhose wearers, who don’t do that at one time or another.
In any case, Sarah Jessica Parker wears pantyhose of her own volition, and frequently enough that she no longer should be considered the ambassador of the bear-legs culture. Certainly, she’s not the cause of it.
And while this saddens the Grizzly, the bottom line is I was the one who blamed SJP for the bear-legs movement, I was wrong, and so I’ve corrected the mistake.
Welcome to the good side, SJP.
Note: My thanks to professional graphic artist David Joseph (whose wife, Sheri, is an ActSensuous customer) for his awesome artwork for this blog post. I provided the ideas and the raw pictures, and David expertly turned my vision into reality.
David also designed the current ActSensuous website and the beautiful packaging for our Act IV pantyhose.
Note II: My thanks, also, to Mark Johnson, a professional graphic artist and a corporate attorney (and an ActSensuous fan) for the very first picture of the Grizzly in the John Cusack pose from the 1989 movie, “Say Anything.”
I first delivered (July 2014) the Cusack photo and a grizzly bear picture to Mark, along with my vision for this post. It took some doing, but the resulting artwork (above) was the very key to my writing this post.
Thank you, Mark, wherever you are now.
Below, you’ll find more pictures of Sarah Jessica Parker wearing pantyhose throughout the past few decades, and at various venues. Enjoy!